just a bit more on my beloved country

by any cost,please avoid urself from having to do business with our public services.but if u have no choice and still have to face any of the agencies,do not be optimistic.in short,epect it to be unpleasant.expect delays,being pushed around,treated rudely,lots of red tapes.even better if u expect the thing not gonna work at all...so u save urself from unneccesary hike of blood pressure,unworthy anger and all sort of diaspoinment.in short,dont count on it.and remember to write down all the names of the public SERVANT that u deal with,so that they know u know ur right and hopefully they will do thier job a lil efficiently(dont expect them to go the length tho).and if they ever offend u,demand to speak to the bosses or ask for complaint form.show them that its us the rakyat is thier bosses...yes,they are public SERVANT and we are the public.so its thier job to SERVE us....

my political hope for new year,new malaysia(or wish that will never come true)

allow me to be a bit political this time.and please be reminded that im not writing this as someone who is on the opposition side.admitedly im still a registered member of a certain party,but i can safely state that im done with party based politics.so this and few other politic related entry in my blog can be considered as view from someone who no longer believe in party based politics.i dunno if thats acceptable but what the heck,im tax paying,registered voter rakyat who vote.so im entitled to have a say about things.and dont say that i owe anything to "them".i owe them nothing.be it my education,welfare,health,utilities or even this land im standing on..so yes,please do this few things..
improve our education system n policy especially upper tiers.stop it from becoming "money generating venue" for a few at the cost of our youngsters.coz thats what have been happening nowadays.it cost money to get quality education,we know that.but please make sure the money the poor rakyat gonna spend on the education for thier beloved son and daughter is a money well spent.not just for a roll of degree not worth the paper it written on.secondly,stop making us rakyat pay more than what it cost to provide us with clean water,power,fuel,road.its goverment's responsiblity to provide the rakyat this basic neccesities.understandably it cost lots of mony to produce,run and mantain all the above-mentioned things.hey,we dont ask it to be free..but stop making millions of profit for the shareholders at the expense of us people.thats just fortright vulture,robbing us blind in daylight.and put us rakyat first.if u cant do that,just call it shareholder's goldmine.third,implement the "build first than sell" policy.too many rakyat has become victims regarding this lapuk issue.kesian la kat kami rakyat yang berpendapatan rendah dan sederhana.its the classic case of durian and mentimun...didnt any of u from high up there watch tv3 news at all?fourth,stop using the race card.of all kind of party,association,races and whatsnot here in this country,its u who always play this race card.and u do so while at the same time talk about racial unity,equality,harmony ,so on and so forth.yet its u who always use race card to spark fear of losing the ketuanan,while in truth,its the power and all the peak that come with it that u fear of losing.im the same as u.so i know what u talk about and u know what im talking about...and please,stop treating us voters like a fool coz sooner or later ull make a fool of urself

sleepless night can lead u into being productive..but i rather have a good night sleep over this....or maybe i actually need this..after being AWOL for quite sometime,i owe myself a few good ones..

tired of being happy....?

how often u heard or feel someone saif "im tired with all of this"...this is my take about that sentence.its a sign of someone who is not happy with his life.or when the happiness that he think is reall all this while actually not something that come from within.its artificially induced happiness.in another word,borrowed happiness..its just happiness that very much depended on someone else's contribution.so when he feel he dont get worthy reward for his effort,the tiredness will creep in slowly.and sooner or later this "tired" feeling will take over and happy no longer he will be....and regarding my usage of "his" in this entry,i mean it universally for both sexes...tiredness dont choose side and so is happiness..so if u still think about new year's resolution,heres a good one for; be a truly happier person in 2010 and beyond.if u cant make urself happy,no one can make u truly happy..and i mean no one..

good bye 2009...or should i say welcome 2010..or whatever u like

2009...
well..its just like any other year i guess..
nothing much to tell about it..
nothing to shout about it..
nothing to be proud about it..
not much happened to say its much different..
not getting much wiser..
if anything, seem like much fooler..
not getting any better yet not that worst anyway...
nothing to look back and nothing much about 2010 to look forward to..
yes,its just another year come and gone..
as any day would come and go..
it just happened that the day that come start with 1/1 and the going end with 31/12..
so dont think much about it if u dont think much about every single day of the past 364 days..
it just .....new year...

entry of a sleepless person

i cant sleep tonight.knowing myself,i knew why my brain refuse to obey the sleep signal from the eye.its because the brain occupied..with something.and im not sure if im willing to put this matter onto this page..but somehow,some of the thought will find it way i think.lets see how can i play with words and express what i feel right now.here goes.....can we hit someone without making that person feel the physical blow yet will yield the same result.how can we a mild hint that gonna be as effective as being obvious.can we stand our ground without making others losing face.can we compromise while at the same time stand true to our principle.can we uphold our honour without making others lose face.can we bend the unbendable without breaking it to pieces...yep..thats about it.....

satu malaysia.malaysia boleh.boleh blah.boleh jalan dah.jalan jem lagi.lagi lagi banjir bila ujan.buat terowong berbillion2 tapi masih banjir.masih jem.banjir je terus buat kempen politik masa bagi bantuan.bantuan tu keje korang.kalau kitorang tak pangkah korang pun korang ttp kena bagi bantuan sebab korang amik duit kitorang buat rumah besar besar so korang takde hak nak ungkit yang korang majukan negara.bukan korang buat pakai duit korang sendiri.instead korang lagi curi hak kitorang untuk korang punya sedara mara...

of on-screen-love

vampire is not much of a good lover.and vampire's girlfriend doesnt really know how to express her love.thats the impression i got after watching the latest instalment of a certain movie.i cant help but to compare.and dare i say that both the first and the second rolled into one cant beat the love potrayed by few minutes of phonecall from leornado to his "girlfriend" (they are not really a lover but watch the movie and ull know i mean) toward the end of his life in BLOOD DIAMOND.but then again,maybe it just me...and yes,leo is that good...no ,that GOOD

in memory of a friend,najib the quiet one

he was a good friend.always willing to help me should i need to go somehwere.he was quiet,he was hardworking,he was a good friend.but i never know his real name.i dont bother to ask.was i a good friend of him as much as he was a good friend of mine.alfatihah to najib.may god place him among the blessed ones...

im officially out of work again.and i reckon its gonna be a few months.be prepared for few more meaningless entry of a bored jobless man...

lets see..ok,now theres one thing people call gamble.and theres another thing people call it giving a try.the different between this two is,when u gamble,almost always the outcome is not in your control.u dont really have any control of the outcome of your card(unless u cheat of course).but in giving a try,its something that u have some control(to some extent).u may have "gambled" with your life with giving it a try.but as with trying,u have a choice.that choice is weather u gonna make it work or u will admit defeat and well,fall...so the choice is not really a choice.its definitive.do or die.make or break.so by hook or by crook,u gotta champion this like u did once.maybe u feel like u r falling.slipin away,wearing thin.but the good thing is u realise that is happening.so u can tackle the weak point.ego..i dunno much about ego.nor taurian,libran,or whatever stars and sign tells.we human are capable of many things.yeah,old habit die hard people say.but they aslo said "if theres a will,theres always a way".u cant pick up the pace.u adapt too slow.u dont do well.but remember,u have taken a step.and that step u took is a step forward.maybe its slow.but its a step nevertheless.a rusty wheel may need some time to roll smoothy again.and a lil lubricant aways help.or sometime we divers bang it with hammers..big ones if smaller dont do the work.yeah,sometime u need to push urself.and ull b suprised of what u can achieve if u push urself hard enough.lemme tell u,out there in this world theres always someone somewhere who would wish they have the chance,the oppurtunity,the gamble u juz took..they probably not fit for it,they likely will feel the same thing u feel now.but they just dont have that chance.they have no chance at all to gamble.its a gamble,yes.but its a worthy gamble if u ask me.maybe ull blow it.but promise urself one thing.give it all.till the last drop of ur every ounce of energy.then u can say to urself that uve given ur best and ur best is not good enough.thats not very encouraging admittedly.im not the best motivator.and i dont really believe in motivational thigs that been thrown at me since im in school.for me,its always mind over matter.its always.u can always push it.untill ur physical cant go on anymore.and its only when ur mind tell u that its time to give up is the time when u cant move ur hand,u cant stand right,u cant even walk.but as long my mind dont give the orders,ill crawl if i cant walk.and its always mindgame.ur dark side against ur brighter side.who will win..the one who u feed the most.so its really is up to yourself..

ant the loser is

after all things said and done.after all the balotbox emptied and all counted for.after all the posters and flags taken down,we people are the real loser.we lose coz we failed.some of us failed to realise the lies they been told.some of us failed to expose these lie.but we all failed.and we all lose.even people from the winning side also lose.the real winner is only him and his people.and i mean his close associate.no one else gonna benefit from this.no worries,better luck next time..or the time after that.we are not a give-up bunch,do we...

he serve us well all this time,or so they told us

ok..now lets talk politics again.as much as i said i dony give a s#!t about local politics,its not really that hard to be affected by the going on.at the very least u loath about the stupid and insultance they throw at us people.what they take us for.we malaysian like to think of ourself sa well educated.they certainly think they provide us with proper education.yet its them also who treat us like we are no-brainer.technical offense,unethical,or whatever u call it.wanna talk about ethical.theres one of a guy from thier side who commit a certain ethical misconduct.and his misconduct actually not about politics at all.its something personal.still the man take the fall like a man.and he did step back.but now instead of condemning people who commit a misconduct,they back them up,and he actually win.serve well,bring developement or whatever,a misconduct is still a misconduct and its unethicaland shame 2times.one for commiting it and another one for not being a man who acknowledge his mistakes and step back to give others chance.not neccesarily the others have a clean slate mind u,but at least the one who juz got his slate stained shouldnt be in the picture at all.talk about chronism.but blame it on us.blame it on the constituency.blame it on the people.maybe they think unethical to get involved with another woman and caught on tape but its ok if u give people money for thier vote.afterall,its like a charity innit,giving poeple money.who dont want and dont need money afterall.and if we still stick with this mentality of "its ok because he has served us well all this years,so we should cut some slack and give the man another chance".there are some things in life where people should be given just one chance and one only.and one of the things is when it come to public trust and working for people.we dont owe any of them anything.be it for the last 52 years or for the next 520.they are there because of us people.they are the one who owe us thier living and thier existance as who they are today.we will always exist,but them,we have the power to get rid of them.some riddance is good for the best of our country.so think about it.no,really u dont even have to think about it.its plain simple...

and the winner is....

and just like what ive feared,he actually won...for fuck sake,dont u all bagan people have a mind of ur own..but then again,with so many undi post,our chance is slim to start with,if any at all...so its not the question of who the calon is ,they will win regardless of who the candidate is.,,or maybe we malaysian really dont learn...wait,we dont actually...ive wrote already about that kan...

i juz cant believe it..no,actually i kinda guessed it.and its not really a suprise..its more of how it anger me... i take that as an insult...how could them i said to myself...yes,i understand how they r able to fool themself and how they show how fol they r..but this is juz beyond fool..its juz plain insult.to me and to others.to all malaysian..to everyone of us who r capable to think for themself even a little.to all who have some sense of righteousness in them.to juz about everybody except thier foolhard supporters..damn,it really an insult....i feel like being slapped on the face by a bloody bucket of excavator...big one...and if u dont feel like that,i juz ......(i dont have the word).....f&%k....and mind u,i dont use that often..not here anyway...that something i suppose...
technical thing u said..technical my @$$ ...and i never use that word b4...not here...and if this still dont make us malaysian realise what a fool we have there on the highest place,we are in for a hard time ahead,big time....frigging big....
how can it be technical..dont think us rakyat as a fool...please...maybe u r a fool..but not me..not my friend..not my colleague..not my co-workers..not my ship mate..not anyone i know i think..we r not ..not like u n ur supporter...dont think we r that low....my last word for this time...

jeng jeng jeng.... FUCK YOU.....

hadith

Anas relates that, "We asked the Prophet, 'O Messenger of Allah, shouldn't we refrain from calling others to goodness if we don't practice all good things ourselves, and shouldn't we refrain from forbidding wrong things until we ourselves have abstained from all the bad?' 'No,' he replied, 'You should call others to goodness even if you don't do all good, and you should forbid bad things even if you don't abstain from all of them yourselves.'"
(Al-Tabarani)

the thing about simple life

as i watch this movie,i suddently got this urge to write.i was skeptical about this movie.i didnt expect it to be that.......heavy..yes i did judge..and i once write a piece titled "judge not".yes,feel free to judge me now.lets see where im getting at diz time around.my mind got so many things now ..theres philosophy,theres love..theres friendship..theres relationship..theres life..theres few othert things i cant put into words..the thing is,we can almost picture it perfectly in our head..but no words seem fit to describe how we feel..words didnt seem enough...and the thing with this "feeling" or "thought" is it always me us..no,make that me question my....life...question my existance..question my purpose..question my "dreams"..question my goal..where ive been and where im heading to..but me being me,always manage to find simplicuty in things..or i always simplify things..or i rather make it simple..
people always go "its complicated" but the thing is,its always simple if we look at it from "neutral" side.we are human.we are people..we judge..we break heart..we betray..we hurt...we juz selfish..so juz accept all theseand see every little things in our life from that point of view...and i dont know where im going with this...but i think u get the idea..but that said,i gotta add that life never is simple...its juz we gotta find simplicity in all the mess life throw at us...and thats can be tricky for most of us...

korang lawan kitorang

dah lama jugak aku tak baca sotkabar.lama jugak tak nengok brita.rasanya dah berbulan2 dh kot.slaluunya kalu aku nengok brita pon bila aku balik kampung,kat pondok harmoni.tu pin sebab derkp ajelaang sume yang bukak.kalo ikutkan aku,mmg aku tgk channel551 atau 553 atau 555.kengkadang 554..kengkadang 701(csi,csi,csi n chuck)kalo kat cheras aku tambah lg satu channel 734(turbo)..aku mmg bukan jenis yg tgk berita sangat.dan aku pon xde rasa ada keperluan nak tgk pon.setakat crita sal satu kampung yg kena jual ngan org lain tapi org lain kena jawa.atau pasal satu kaum bantah org nak buat tpt semayang satu kaum lain.kata toleransi dan keharmonian kaun sangat.kata utamakan rakyat sangat.pastu tak lama ada balik crita jamatan retak lagi.kata pencapaian sangat.takde pon crite pasal walaupun kalah tapi majoriti yg menang dah kurang(yes they mention about how the winner losing thier majority.kalau deorang yg menang,haram pon diorang nak mention yg diorang nyer majority dah susut).takde pon cerita sapal satu malaysia.tah sejak bila lak aa banyak malaysia kat malaysia ni.apa la agaknya yg derang sume pikir masa buat slogan.bangsa malaysia sangat.tapi bila nak buat tpt semayang,melenting tak tentu pasal.pastu ada lak yg mensansikan crita tu.kalau dah propoganda tu ckp ajelah propoganda.jangan sembunyi belakang slogan emebela rakyat.kitorang ni bukan budak2.bukan ada pekdah pon buat camtu.korang tunggu la nanti bile korang dah jatuh terduduk nanti.masa tu baru korang tertanya tanya sebab apa.korang jangan nak crita pasal budi dan jasa.dah korang punya kerja memajukan negeri ni..jangan nak kata yg korang tolong kitorang.sebab kalau korang rasa korang majukan negara ni sbb korang nak berbudi,korang mmg tak sedar diri.kitorang takde utang budi apa2 pon ngan korang.korang yang utang budi ngan kitorang.sebab gaji korang tu kitorang yg bayar.bukan korang buat jematan(yg retak belompun sedekat pas siap buat),skolah(yang nak runtuh dan tak dapat cf pas baru je buat tapi takde pon org yg kena dakwa)jalan raya,balai raya,lebuh raya(yang kitorang kena bayar tol,bukan pakai free..apsal kitorang ni bayar rodtex eh kalau jalan kena bayo)..tu bukan budi korang..kitorang takde utang apa apa ngan korang..korang jangan ingat kitorang wujud sebab korang.korang kena sedar korang tu wujud sebab kitorang.kitorang yang bagi korang sume duit.ingat murah ke cukai yang aku bayo..TIAP TIAP ari lak tu..orang lain bayo sekali je setaun.aku bayo hampir tiap tiap ari.jarang ari sangat aku tak bayo cukai.pastu korang ingat aku nak dengo cakap korang yang layan kitorang macam kitorang ni takde benak pikiran seniri.korang ingat berkesan lagi ke taktik korang yang sama lagi macam berpuluh taun dulu tu.wei,bangun la ,orang lain pon dah berubah.adaptasi ngan perkembangan.bukan setakat perkembangan teknologi je yang korang kena amik.kitorang ni dah pedap la...korang tengok la nasib korang 3 taun lagi..baru korang tau siapa punya kuasa yang sebenarnya

where to start

as i starting diz entry,too many things going on in my head dat i dunno where to start.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................might as well i dont at all....

friend

a real friend...
is the next best of things in life(maybe even better than blood relationship)...dont get me wrong..i dont mean to put parents and siblings and sudara mara on d second place but read on and ull get what im trying to share.the thing is,u can befriend with anyone,be it ur dad,mom or juz about anyone on diz earth.what is so good about friend...with friend,u r comfortable to talk to,so imagine if u can be a friend with ur parents,wudnt dat be great.with friends,u dont really mind being judge coz u take it as honest opinion.with friend,u dont get hurt easily.and u forgive easier.i mean very little things can break a friendship compared to "a" relationship with someone who juz happened not to be friend first b4 developing into "a"..but having said that not neccesarily mean ur "relationship"with a friend will be stronger than "juz friend" ,if anything it maybe weaker..yes..good friend are hard to come by..

i remember from an editorial page of NST few years back "you are a lucky person if you have 5 best friends"...or something like dat..how many i have...hurm ...lets see................................................................................................................................................................

between a loner and a lonely person

from d other side of the screen= u sound like a lonely person
me=nope,im juz comfortable on my own

people often misunderstood a loner and loneliness.a loner is someone who is comfortable being alone while a lonely person who cant stand being on his own. a loner cheerish d company he got around while a lonely person surround himself with friends so he wont feel lonely...

p/s;not dat i mind being called a lonely person...

and some more to pick on my beloved fellow malaysian....

lets talk about parking..juz a little...and malaysian driving too...to quote one of my friend of a friend recently said,"kalau jadi driver jujur kat kl ni,alamat tak sampai rumah la"..or something to dat extent...well,same goes with parking i guess..dats d motto of most malaysian drivers.anywhere,as close as possible..to hell with obstruction of others way,no parking are,fire hydrant...so d next time u are about to park ur car,juz park as u wish..afterall others will juz park as they wish..if they can do it,why cant u..afterall we are 1MALAYSIA.so juz do what other 24,999,999 malaysian do..and we do it in d spirit of MALAYSIA BOLEH.....and some more..MERDEKA...kibar ur bendera..then throw it away on d ground and pijak2 masa dok melompat tengok konsert...its juz a piece of clothes/plastic anyway so why so sensitive about it..or juz let it rot up there on d pole..hey, a rotten flag still a flag what....

joke..on who....

when will d reality show in malaysia will go away...i think its getting too lame nowadays..im writhing diz as i watch a certain reality show.maybe im more of a critics,dats y or was d show really is boring...i guess them tv station n producers still can make some money out of diz..n d problem is some of the judge..well most of d judge i think not even qualify to be a judge..i mean he cant even make a decent joke..n dont talk about energy..dont takl about momentum..dont talk about contuinity,...juz say it,its funny or not....well,as d older generation of comedian phased out,not many of newer generation come to take thier place.maybe they come in numbers..but not in quality..if senario is ur type of ceomdy,maybe there is a few newer telent dat all to willing to take thier place..but it insult my inteligence watching them most of the time..give me sabri,ali,accapan,saleh, pak uda n co any day,every day...heck,give me lucy even...but senario,please..i rather stare d ceiling thank you...but then again,of course most malaysian public like them better..and dats what matter most..so how many years more we have to endure all diz so-called searching-for-new-talent(which always not dat all talented anyway in d first place) b4 they will call it a day..please say very soon.....n give me rerun of pi mai pi mai tang tu..on primetime...dont let me start on mystery n ghost genre...really dont

dan bertanyalah dia apa hala tujunya..apa impiannya..apa citanya..apa mahunya..dan cubalah dia menjawab ..namun dia tertanya tanya adakah dia bertanya atau apakah dia mempersoalkan semua itu.dalam dia menjalani kehidupan ini,apa yang dia sebenarnya mahu..apa yang sebenarnya dia cari..apa sebenarnya benar itu sendiri

KHUTBAH TERAKHIR RASULULLAH SAW

KHUTBAH INI DISAMPAIKAN PADA 9 ZULHIJJAH TAHUN 10 HIJRAH DI LEMBAH URANAH, GUNUNG ‘ARAFAH

Wahai manusia dengarlah baik-baik apa yang hendak ku katakan !!!

Aku tidak mengetahui apakah aku dapat bertemu lagi dengan kamu semua selepas tahun ini. Oleh itu dengarlah dengan teliti kata-kataku ini dan sampaikanlah ia kepada orang-orang yang tidak dapat hadir di sini pada hari ini.
Wahai manusia, sepertimana kamu menganggap bulan ini dan kota ini sebagai suci maka anggaplah jiwa dan harta setiap orang Muslim sebagai amanah suci. Kembalikan harta yang diamanahkan kepada kamu kepada pemiliknya yang berhak. Janganlah kamu sakiti sesiapapun agar orang lain tidak menyakiti kamu pula. Ingatlah bahawa sesungguhnya kamu akan menemui Tuhan kamu dan Dia pasti akan membuat perhitungan atas segala amalan kamu. Allah telah mengharamkan riba’, oleh itu segala urusan yang melibatkan riba’ hendaklah dibatalkan mulai sekarang. Berwaspadalah terhadap syaitan demi keselamatan agama kamu. Dia telah berputus asa untuk menyesatkan kamu dalam perkara-perkara besar maka berjaga-jagalah supaya kamu tidak mengikutinya dalam perkara-perkara kecil.
Wahai manusia, sebagaimana kamu mempunyai hak atas para isteri kamu, mereka juga mempunyai atas kamu. Sekiranya mereka menyempurnakan mereka ke atas kamu maka mereka juga berhak untuk diberi makan dan pakaian dalam suasana kasih sayang. Layanilah wanita-wanita kamu dengan baik dan berlemah lembutlah terhadap mereka kerana sesungguhnya mereka adalah teman dan pembantu kamu yang setia. Dan hak kamu ke atas mereka ialah mereka sama sekali tidak boleh memasukkan orang yang kamu tidak sukai ke dalam rumah kamu dan dilarang melakukan zina.
Wahai manusia, dengarlah bersungguh-sungguh kata-kataku ini. Sembahlah Allah, dirikanlah solat lima kali sehari, berpuasalah di Bulan Ramadhan, tunaikanlah zakat dan harta kekayaan kamu dan kerjakanlah ibadah haji sekiranya mampu. Ketahuilah bahawa setiap Muslim adalah saudara kepada Muslim yang lain. Kamu semua adalah sama; tidak ada seorangpun yang lebih mulia dari yang lainnya kecuali dalam taqwa dan amal soleh.
Ingatlah bahawa kamu akan mengadap Allah pada suatu hari untuk dipertanggungjawabkan atas segala apa yang telah kamu lakukan. Oleh itu, awasilah tindak-tanduk kamu agar jangan sekali-kali kamu terkeluar dari landasan kebenaran selepas ketiadaanku.
Wahai manusia, tidak ada lagi Nabi atau Rasul yang akan datang selepasku dan tidak akan lahir agama baru. Oleh itu wahai manusia, nilailah dengan betul dan fahamilah kata-kataku yang telah disampaikan kepada kamu. Sesungguhnya aku tinggalkan kepada kamu dua perkara yang sekiranya kamu berpegang teguh dan mengikuti kedua-duanya nescaya kamu tidak akan tersesat selama-lamanya. Itulah Al-Quran dan Sunnahku.
Hendaklah orang-orang yang mendengar ucapanku ini menyampaikannya pula kepada orang lain dan hendaklah orang yang lain itu menyampaikannya pula kepada orang lain dan begitu seterusnya. Semoga orang yang terakhir yang menerimanya lebih memahami kata-kataku ini dari mereka yang mendengar terus dariku.
Saksikanlah Ya Allah, bahawasanya aku telah sampaikan risalah-Mu kepada hamba-hamba-Mu.

satu,dua,tiga

sagak lama juga saya berkira-kira nak menyentuh isu ni sebenarnya.politik.yes politik..saya cuba untuk tidak ambil pusing tentang politik semasa negaraku yang tercinta ini..mungkin dah muak dengan semua tu.muak dan meluat.kalau di tempat lain,iklim politik mereka bertambah baik seiring dengan perkembangan dan pembangunan ekonomi,tapi tidak disini.semakin kita bertambah maju(or so we were being told),politik kita semakin mundur..semakin banyak taktik kotor,manipulasi dan sewaktu dengannya digunakan dalam memastikan kepentingan terjaga.tapi itu bukanlah isu yang saya nak bangkitkan disini.yang saya nak bangkitkan disini ialah polisi/kempen/tagline terbaru yang dicanang-canangkan di media kita kebelakangna ini..saya tidak akan menyebut secara lansung tapi rasanya anda tau apa yang saya maksudkan.adakah mereka yang menganjurkan kempen ini sebenarnya benar benar ikhlas atau cuma satu propoganda untuk memenangi hati rakyat(atau lebih tepatnya memenangi undi).kalau mereka ikhlas,kenapa mereka tidak menubuhkan sebuah parti untuk semua parti.bubarkan semua parti berasaskan kaum itu dan tubuhkan parti "malaysia" seperti mana meraka canangkan itu.yang lebih menyakitkan hati,mereka jugalah yang sebenarnya suka menggunakan tiket bangsa dalam pelbagai isu.dan izinkan saya bertanya,apa dah jadi dengan wawasan kita..adakah kita masih menuju kearah wawasan itu..

quotes...

I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.
- Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribean)

If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough
- Unknown

“That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways”

from Fight Club

Pennies don't fall from heaven. They have to be earned on earth. (Margaret Thatcher)

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. (Mark Twain)

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)

Calling someone fat doesnt make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesnt make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try and solve the problem in front of you. (mean girl)


In 1832 he lost his job!
In 1833 He failed in business!
In 1835 His fiance died!
In 1836 He had a nervous breakdown!
In 1838 He was defeated for Speaker of the house!
In 1843 He was Defeated for Congress!
In 1849 He was rejected for land officer!
In 1854 He was defeated for the U.S. Senate!
In 1856 He was defeated for Vice President
In 1858 He was defeated for the U.S. Senate
In 1860 THE MAN THAT CALLED HIMSELF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS ELECTED 16TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES:

"Out of every 100 men, 10 should not be there, 80 are nothing but targets, and 9 are the real fighters and we are blessed to have them, for they the battle make. Ah, but one, ONE of them is a warrior, and he will bring the others home." -Heraclitus 500BC.

First law on holes - when you're in one, stop digging! (Denis Healey)

Never hate your enemies, it affects your judgement.
- from The Godfather

Fear can hold you prisoner.....
Hope can set you free.
- Shawshank redemption

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. (Mark Twain)


p/s; i was thinking about writing about few quotes from fw movies i watched..but on d second thought,i said better search for it on d net..but i cant get d right quotes off google.i got these instead..

IM PROUD TO BE MALAYSIAN....BUT WHY

have u ever ask urself what make u proud being a malaysian?can u name things dat make u proud being malaysian...u ask me why/what/who make me proud to be malaysian...lets see...lets figure what british will be proud to be british,or american,or namibian..or thais..or whatever country on earth...d answer is u need no reason at all to be proud to be whatever nationality u are..u juz proud..but u need reason not to be proud...or at least dats what i think..

life..or something like it

im gonna try writing again..been a while since i really write here.some things keeping me occupied lately.but what im gonna write..what about predictability..or guessing game..or character reading..or zodiac thingy..or something like dat,u know what i mean...we human being are one complex thing..do u thing gazillions of people on diz earth can be sumarrised into 12 group of people,based on d month of thier birth..or based on the shape of thier face,or how thier fingers bend..or where thier taik lalat..or wherever dat people use..yes i think we are complex..maybe..u can say diz thing means u r like dat..and if u have diz on dat place u tend to be like so..well,what about generalisation..these guess,prediction or whatever u call it is kinda loose dont u think..it open for personal intepretation.someone somewhere once said people saw what they choose to see..so any coincidence,similiarities even slightliest will be intepreted as d prediction true to life..but sometime we humanbeing can be so simple,we can be read as a book...so predictable people can be,it take no effort...but each and everyone of us have every right to believe what we choose to believe..some believe in nothing and some believe in so many thing,they end up not believeing in anything at all in d end..cest la vie

conversation..good one at dat..

what wud make a good conversation..a good topic/issue..a good conversation partner..a good ambient..a good coffee(or tea,or whatever ur prefered drink)..a good mood..well i think all u need for a good conversation is a good connection between the parties involved..topics,ambient,mood will juz come naturaly..and coffee..dats depend on where u r..if u go to pak belalang house,too bad lah...

kematangan usia...

maturity..are you..what is maturity anyway..what u think of ur maturity level..and is there level of maturity..yes its subjective..but theres generalism of maturity definity..i duno what it is for u but i think i have some idea about it...but im not gonna share about it here..not now anyway..but how during my late teenage and early twenties me n my peer often use day words,mature..and we dont even pronounce it corectly back then..dats immaturity for u..to think urself as matured person at such early age....and thinking about it,i feel i even more immature now compared to back then.i still make decision dat i know not good for me.i still do d same mistakes all over again repeteadly,knowingly..doesnt sound like mature...

merdeka kah aku

how u define independence..not d merdeka of 31 ogos but personally..is earning ur own keep is ur independence..or u gotta make ur own decision is ur independence..or when u dont have to ask for permision from anyone ..or when u can do as u wish without worry about consequences..and letme ask u..r u emotionaly independent...haha..dats d part often dont think when talking abt diz issue...so ask urself....

the inevitable

but actually u sorta know how its gonna end up..u anticipate it.u guessed it..u know it...but against all in ur right mind,u still go for it...and well,what gonna happen will happen..n have happened i guess

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

its always when u are not in your best mode u write d best...well me at least...when u worry,when u depressed,when u 'tak puas hati',when u brokenhearted,when u offended,when u down...
its d need to channel all those things inside u dat make words flow easily i guess....but some things juz too complex to explain with words..too colorfull to express with alphabets,too complicated to simplify it with sentences...words cant do justice...so instead of expressing whats inside..diz is d result..a directionless entry dat carry no real point but somehow keep gettimg longer or cud be juz a few words more..

the greatest pain one can inflict upon others is towards the person who love him the most

when u have so many things to say but dun have d right words..again

what u gonna do if u know u r about to hurt someone ....badly

my word

after almost a month hiatus,im back..diz blog almost doomed if not for the sake of keeping it alive even if its barely..the pace picked up a bit..not much of freetime anymore hence d lack of input here.but i surely hope diz is not gonna be a habit(the lack of input i mean)..and with diz entry im keeping my word....

karma part 2

and guess what...a job...maybe karma is real thing ...and my pray has been answered...again...

job..again

finally,d call arrived..yes of course im available for work.yes of course i have no problem with short notice.yes of course i have no problem with what u r offering.yes of course i can be ready.yes of course i can be there.yes of course im gratful.yes of course ill do my best,as always.yes of course ill learn everything i possibly can.yes of course..of course..thanks to those of u who ever pray for me or wish me to get a job...doa-doakanlah slalu

karma

do u believe in karma.i dunno about it much.but many time i do things and hope i will be rewarded by some fortune or some sort in near future.yep,dat sound desperate.but hey,desperate people do desperate things.am i desperate...maybe..i desperately need some sense of security.financially.career-wise.so when someone ask me a favour,i juz cant help but thinking may i be rewarded very soon for diz thing.is dat wrong.doing something with hope of getting something in return.but didnt we all do thigs in hope for a reward.some want it now.some want meterialistic reward.some want diz n dat.for now i want a reward in form of a job offer somewhere deep n in the middle of the sea.too much to ask.well....maybe i shud be more ikhlas d next time....

re:letter to myself

hi myself.
in response to ur letter to urself,here is d reply.im doing ok.surviving at least.nothing great to tell u.life goes on regardless of whatever come till d day when d one who come to visit u is izrail.dat wud b d last visitor we all will get.so yes,here is d reply.a letter for urself to myself.hope ull b satisfied dat i reply u.im not really looking forward for a reply but hey if u feel like writing again,be my guess.of late,i have lots of free time to entertain u.so dont hesitate.but dun expect a quick reply.
dats juz me.so i guess dats it.did what u ask me to do.hey its maybe short but at least its not a blank page.
best of luck..bye..

lupa

kerana kita lupa betapa sebuah kehidupan hanyalah satu pinjaman kitapun berlari mengejar sebuah kegemilangan yang hanya sementara dan kita abaikan kejayaan yang hakiki kerana kita terpedaya dengan janji hampa dunia kebendaan yang mengasyikkan walaupun dalam pengejaran itu kita tersiksa dan derita menanggung akibat sebuah perbuatan yang kita sebenarnya sedari hanyalah sebuah dusta dunia yang sentiasa mengasyikkan dan melalaikan kita dari tugas sebenar kita sebagai hamba......................................................

for......give..get..

lets forgive and forget,they say.now d question is can we do both..sincerely dat is.and how do we differentiate between forgive but not forget and vice versa.to forgive,u dont have to forget.well,how can u forget something if u need to forgive it.its gotta be sumthing big,dats y it need a forgiveness.and we dont forget sumthing big.we can forget when ppl trip n spill coffee on us.we can forget when ppl make some stupid remarks.but can we forget if our partner cheat on us.no we cant.can we forgive....dats depend on individual.but i suppose no we cant.but somehow some can find a way to .....tolerate...not forget it but tolerate it.and how can we forget bt dont forgive.if its sumthing forgetable,why unforgivable...so dont u think forgive and forget...juz dont happen in real life.u may think u forget it.but if u ever get mad at d same person again,it all will come back.how they did diz n dat back sometime ago and how u thot they changed and u give them second chance.dats not forgeting.so next time u juz say lets forgive.or forget.for d sake of sincerity...

takde apa pon

lets talk about nothing.what,nothing..well theres lots of things to talk about nothing.nothing may seem empty,but theres something about nothing dat always bring something,lead to something.something also can turn out to be juz nothing.when we found something out of nothing,dats......a suprise.when u find something turn out to be nothing,dats disapointment.u dont want to be disapointed do u..but somehow i run out of thing to talk abt nothing..so i guess diz entry means nothing

for a friend

semoga Allah merahmati roh almarhum nizam dan menempatkan dia di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.alfatihah...

bilingual

when i wrote something ..and especially something long and complicated,dats means i have sumthing dat im trying to find d right word to express..only if its easy.and writing in english dont help.so maybe i shud start trying to write d same issue in 2 languages.hows dat sound to u my readers(like i have dat many readers..perasan me)
well..now i have to figure whats for d first entry of bilingual blog section of me...so see u next time

ull probably b clueless and think i was juz muttering rubbish here but i am not.so read on n learn a thing or two along d way

d funny(in a very annoying way) thing abt us malaysian is we never learn.we NEVER learn from others.we never learn from our mistakes.we never learn from books.we never learn from our history.we never learn from nature.we never learn from d wiser-than-us.we never learn from the fooler-than-us(yes,theres lots ot learn from a fools).we never learn from our friends let alone our enemy(ever heard pandang ke selatan?no u dont..u know where i mean with selatan.lots of thigs to learn from them.public transportation for one.,how to plant a tree,how to build a road.how to do business.how to control ur immigrant,legal n otherwise.etc etc..)we as in a single rakya never learn dat we need a change.we never realy learn how to use our power as individual in right thinking to make the change.yes u may thin u did ur part march last year(or was it april,i was absent for work onboard mv nidia adib).but did u do enuf back then.no u dont i must say.n i didnt do mine neither.so now we r paying the price for our never learn.hope we tell ourself lessonlearned.n we bear dat in mind d next time dat chance come around again.lets talk about we as in a comunity.we r supposedly d orang timur(eastern people) who r ramah mesra,berbudi pekerti,lemah lembut,tinggi tatasusila,bertimbangrasa.bertolak ansur and whatsnot(excuse d malay,i tried to use english there but not as good n precise a those as described).but take a look around.what have we learn after 40 yers of d bloody tragedy of 13th may.we still racist toward d other color dat not d same as us.we judge diz particular race as liar,dat particular as pembelit(twister?),and some lebel us as lazy,some ethnic as drunkards,some other as uneducatable,one as major,others as minors,we even still have the lainlain.we behave badly on the road while we r suppose to be a polite and considerate people.our race to get to d destination only apply to our race of who get to the office or home first.we cut,corners,squeze,push and pull and steal any way we can on every chance we got.we cant wait till those who wanna get out of d train or lift out first b4 making our way in.well,seats r limited right..first come first serve those seats are.and our train r so short it got 2 cars only and d management fail to learn d need for extra coach on peak hours.as for d bus,dun even get me started.the best for the-power-dat-be to do is i think stop talking about improving the standard of our public transport.juz say out loud dat u r running out of idea and surrender.now u all bus operator,be it rapid,cepat,keramat or whatever u call ur lines do as u wish..same goes for taxis.dont bother saying u r trying to curb all those ulats and crooks who prey on people.juz say dont even bother with ur permit and chargh as hi as u want.rm30 to get to klcc from puduraya seem fair if u dont know how to get there on foot and have no other mean of transportation.afterall its u d user who never learn d reliability of our public transport to do sumthing ,ur part to make them improve it.and u also never learn to save ur money or whatever u have to do to by ur own cars.so serve u right uall who have to use(not by choicei believe most of d time)taxi,bus,train,commuters,rapid,cepat,not so rapid and sometime-never get-to-arive public transport users.serve u right for not learning a thing called or own transport.adn lets move on while they d road users stuck there in d traffic jam because of those who never-been-summoned cue-cutter.slap them a very hefty fine..better still consficate thier car,juz to teach them a lesson so they learn a thing or two about losing..be it losing patience ,losisng ur chance to make a turn because they keep sqeezing or losing a car.let them LEARN.then lets us see how we never learn as a country.tho diz issue not really we have control over but because of us they r there..still...so dont u think what they did wrong is because of our wrong choice..look at the first thing we never learn ..as individual...got what i mean..dun get it..read between the lines then..still dun get it..read on then.first we choose wrongly because we dont leran a thing from our previous wrong choice,simply by not trying hard to convince d next person how we need d change to take place.and since we chosen wrongly yet again,they as a never-lerned-what -they-have-done wrong in d past got d chance again..not to get it right but to make it even worst.but they need not wory.because they know the people never learn.tho they also never learn,they have all sort of means to make it as they actually learn and achive sumthing.dats what we call creating sumthing out of nothing.making money out of thin air.did d money hold any value?no u say?hey a money still a money even out of thin air.so yes d money still have a value.untill people learn dat no value of such money dat is.so how they keep the secret of no-value-thin -air-money from us people.well they use all sort of screens,trick,plan,propaganda,media ,method and every other means they can think of.they never learn dat a dead elephant cant be covered.it will get swollen first,then it will blow.once it happen,d smell alone enuf to turn people away.do we learn anything there later if dat ever happen.i sure hope we do.at least we gotta learn dat if we cant cover the dead elephant,we shud cover every nose there is.hows dat for sumthing to learn.we were shaken by another along case again.diz time its lock-up type.d only people dat learn a things or two from past along outbreak is d along.they leard dat no gain gained from shooting them.no fun.d satisfaction is too short-lived for dat amount of money.and once dead no way u can get d money back.its not like they can collect d payment on d afterlife anyway since they r d one who shot d guy.so dats pay all his debt in d afterlife.so d along up d ante.and use new (or maybe not so new ,only newly discovered) method of punishing them loan-fouler.and those loan fouler,they r d biggest never learn a thing people.they have no one but themself to blame really in diz case.didnt they know what along is on malay ..or english if u happen to be against PPMSI,which i hope to touch a bit later.they are LINTAH DARAT/LOAN SHARK (english name sound fiercer maybe but did u know how hard to peel away a leech once it bitten u,n ull b suprised how much they can suck,blood dat is...what they suck.n they can go to place u never want them to be).and these people,they juz feed d demand.they r there in d first place becoz of demand.first there r real demand.then they learn dat demand can b created out of thin air if theres enuf supply in d thin air.see who they learn all dis from..yes my appreciated reader..yes they learn diz from .......................(fill in d blank with CORRECT answer please,n i mean THE correct answer..geddit?)so they creat as they learn..and those who never learn from those who got killed,maimed,paint splashed,beaten to pulp,threat,suicide with thier whole innocent family.they never lern dat u cant cover a hole with digging another hole,cuz ull always dig a bigger hole..till d hole big enuf to be ur own grave.financially or literaly dat is.they r leach u see.suck u dry is what they do best.or shark if u please.shark dont do small injury..shark always inflict worst injury when they attack..death is lucky for shark victim.shark dont fool around.so why them people who got chained and beaten never learn.guess somethings u juz gotta learn it d hard way.if u r in a deep financial trouble laready,what make u think an along can help u.u never learn a thing from ur first hole dat u dug.some people juz dont learn dat d bigger d pot,d bigger lid u need to cover it.and same goes for d crust ,d bigger d pot d bigger d crust..dats they never learn.till its too late and they r chained,thier famnily threated,thier life at stake and theres nothing much u can do except bear d consequence of never learn d first time.and second time.and third time...and for as many time as u like coz u juz can never learn.and our power-dat-be.the one who suppose to be smart enuf to make them one of b dest in d world.yep,im talking about them who have d big power inthier hand.d power to abuse dat power without paying d price.d power to blow..ops...yes they can crack a miltimilion ringgit gambling syndicate and countrywide drug ring yet they cant make d effort to call every number on d sticker posted on lamp posts,bus stands,public phones booth,power junction boxesand u name it ull see it.not to mention banners and flyers.soon maybe they'll use pop-ups over d net or sms promo with misscall-us-n-we-call-u-back option.i believe they learn dat tactic laready.only the need to use it not yet here.so if everyone of them take one munber and give them a call n set up a fake meeting to get them,soon enuf they dont have enough space to hold them they have to use d old penjara pudu for these ahlongs,ahngah and thier whole family and cousins..so what is there to learn about making a call.making d call.but a call is still a call away..now lets talk about who we dont learn about how to make our kids learn.theres 2 sides..those who is for n those who is not.everyone have thier own reasoning.everyone waht it to be done thier way.so dont u learn theres thing called diplomacy.dont be a two fighting elephants n end up stomping thier youngs.dont let d kids pay d price for our mistake.we cant pay dat consequesce.we make d mistake n d next generation pay,as we r paying past generation mistake now.what mistake u ask.didnt we live in peacefull,harmony,prosperous and free country u say.and d thing about paying later is theres always interest.ull always pay more than u borrow.and sometime d interest is too much u end up ..well..look up for those ahlongl and thier ....well..thier clients...dats what happened when u can keep up with d payment,interest got too high u can keep up u bound to hurt urself in a way u cant recover.u simply cant recover from ahlong debt coz its crippling u.u cant recovered from our past generation mistakes coz we are stuck too deep we simply cant lift up our feet to take us of d pit.pit of destruction dat is.and if we ever get out by some miracle and willpower of togetherness,dont expect to run straightaway with ur feet clean.remember u juz stuck knee-depth(if not deeper),so it take some time to clean all those mud,and to ......learn the rythm to fasten ur walk and then u can start to job ..then u can run all d way if u wish to.but dont forget to turn back to take a look at d mudpit u juz left,not to juz be noatalgic about it but to relfect on waht u hv done wrong,what have them done wrong to get u there,and learn a thing or two while u looking back.for no need to look back if u dont learn,u risk bumping on obsturction if u do dat.and u got hurt for nothing if u bump onto sumthing while u learn nothing while looking back dat make u hit ur head.what waste..coz if u do,not only u never learn from d mud pit thingy,u actually never learn at all of how we get there in d first place.we get there into d mudpit because we hit to much bump while walking.wecause we look down.so after we hit one too many time we decide to look up to dodge d thing dat hitting our head we forgot theres a need to look down for theres always thigs dat can get into our way every now n then..we r too hape we dont hit out head we forget we need d legs to keep us forward.so we never learn a thing looking down and learn nothing looking up neither.pity us eh.do we even deserve a pity ,being such a fool i say.so lets us decide its time for us to show them we do learn.and show them they should learn too.and they learn it too late to prevent d change we are bringing.but learn also in our change dat it take time to learn new thingtho bear in mind one can do d same mistake over n over again only for so many times.so what say u,after reading dis,didnt u get what im trying to say?what..no?
u people, NEVER LEARN...ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

faces of life

how many sides of ourself we have in our life.ever heard "talam dua muka".yes,talam(serving tray) can only have 2 "face" but we human are much more complicated than dat...

lines of our life

theres 2 type of lines d thin line ..it can be thin n blurry..and worst when it thin,blury and foggy...but there r some line dat clearly marked,wide and brightly lighted...u know d line is there..its so wide and clear u feel safe playing near it..unknown to u dat such line have a very weak link.and d different between there line is d thin one usualy but not alway d line where u can step back in if u happen to cross over.because its so thin,getting back into d line well..easy..but not dat easy mind u..but d wide line..diz is tricky one...diz type of line usualy have a wider area of coverage...d teritory for u to play inside it usualy big..spacious..n comfortable...but as we are d type who well,,like to take d things to d limite,we tend to ....play near d edge..we play fire near d edge..we thot we can push it as much as we can and nothing will happen.dat d line can take as hard a push we can give.well...to quote red(played by morgan freeman) in SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION "everyone have thier breaking point"..so when diz line reach it breaking point,when u cross d wide clearly marked,brightly lighted line,its almost alwasy ..almost always every time u cant get in back again...coz whatever dat make u severe d line is too big..since u manage to cross d line as thick as dat..

question

when u know its a question u shudnt ask,why u let ur curiosity win over sensiblity.when u know it will be offensive,why u let ur 'need to know' overrule ur right mind.when u know its not right to say so,why u let ur loose mouth spoil it it.when u know it will end up disastrously,why u still take d risk n blow it.when u know its not right ,why u think its still ok.didnt u know d saying terlajak perahu boleh diundur,terlajak kata badan binasa..when u know it will change everything ,why u still insist.when u know will cant land it,why u still take d plunge.when u know after so many time ,why u still be a fool..big time...

a day in the life of a working commercial diver

diver to control ...
com test one,tww,three.four how do u read me..
u r luod n clear ...
bail out check completed,cylinder pressure at 200 bar,two zero zero bar,request for main gas roger..
diver got main gas..
system check completed,dial-a-breath set,diver ready to go.

SPLASH

diver in the water,at the downline roger..
roger dat,diver left surface..

diver on the job.

diver left bottom..

diver on the surface..

diver on deck,diver well

diver on BIBS

diver well..

sleepless

despite d lack of sleep d last 24 hours,i cant bring myself to sleep.my mind must be working hard about sumhting dat im yet to know about,sumthing dat im unaware of..coz i cant relly tell what is it dat im thinking about.because dats usualy d reason why i cant sleep.i cant shut my mind (or brain,whichever u prefer) off.and my body system is not tired enuf to override my brain.n i gotta work tomorrow!guess d long strech of unemployed finally catch up with build in clock.i used to wake up early in d morning no matter how late i go to bed.now its a struggle to wake up at 8....owh..i need to find sumthing productive to do when im not working...

ourself

how well u know urself..and how good u r at doing sumthing dat will suprise urself.how much of urself dat u think u dunno of..or d side of urseelf dat u not aware of.we always think we know ourself..and we know what we want and we r capable of choosing whats right n whats not.but how many time u end up doing something dat,well not so right or not what u really want.and how many time doing something what u want translate into not doing whats right for urself.and how we repeat d same mistake over n over agin..yet we dare to say we r mature.we keep doing d same mistake yet we dare to say we cant learn if we dont make mistake..i choose to be always right n not learning a thing.and how honest we r in knowing ourself.dow hipocrite we r toward ourself.how many time we told ourself its ok when its really in not so ok.how many time we make believe and lie to ourself and we dun admit dat we r lying.how many time we wish instead of actualy go n do things dat we want to do.and how many time we wish we do things differently when things dont go as planned.how many time we miss d excitement and thrill ..jus to be on d safe side..or do things as what others always do,as what ppl say it shuld be done..so ask urself..how well u know urself...think hard...got ur answer...?..then tell urself how honestb is ur answer to urself...afterall u cant lie to urself,can u....

backspacing

and no,i dont keep my vow to not to do backspacing on my writing..

homesick

homesick while in singapore..only been here for 3 days....yepp..i myself cant believe it....

because i said so...

so,tell me...what made u read my blog.coz someone suggest me to decorate or improve d look of my blog to attract readers.im not gonna do dat.not becoz i dont think dats a good idea but becoz dats juz not how i want to attract readers.if i am gonna b a famous blogger,let it be from my poorly decorated but briliantly wirten blog.not d other way around.and for the one who suggest it,please dont be offended by diz post...

men n women

which is d better sex.gender war..chromosome battle.diz is d old classic like egg n chicken question.or chcken n egg.if u r on diz side of d fence u will say ur side is better.and me as d other side of d fence,will insist on my side.theres studies,research,findings,experiment,views and whatsnot but in d end of d day,its always ur own side dats always better....

and here we go again

good thing come to those who wait.but how long a wait before its too long.because time wait for no one.and time worth more than gold.so dont saty silence for too long eventho silence is golden.patience is virtue but one can take only so much before all hell brake loose.be carefull of what u wish for,u might juz get it all and some u didnt.then ull wish u didnt ask for any of it at all.what dont kill u only make u stronger but what if left u almost lifeless,barely alive.ignorance is bliss but when ignorance reign life is lost.but the strong will survive.so doesnt dat make all of us d strongs.its a rat race,but nobodys winning.so quit while u ahead or u end up losing it all.but living on d edge make u treasure what u have.living life on d fast lane make u play it safer.but when it aint rough it aint fun.so push it to the limit but dont cross d line....

what usualy trigger u all d blogger into writing mode.what make ur creative juice flow.what connect ur brain,ur thought and ur fingers together.what give u d urge to write.what make ur thought somehow translatable and readable using a form of symbols dat somehow understandable.and how u choose what to write and what not to write.many times,i dont have d access to write when i have something brilliant(or atleast so i told myself) in my mind.and being in IT n COMPUTER age,we dont carry pen n notebook around anymore..at least not me.i used to have one book dat i keep juz in case i need to write something..not dat d book gotta see lots of daylight.but dat not as d same as blogging.since no one will read it and now dat book end up somewhere dat i cant tell back at home.dusty and maybe d pest got d best of it already.but im quite sure theres many blog dat went unattended,unupdated,unread,ignored and juz forgotten here on d net.but i hope diz one dat u r reading now wont be like dat.not for diz near future anyway...

losing

my mind usualy gotto work overtime after a good movie.many night i end up sleepless after watched such movies.so my measure of how good d movie is how much it got my mind working after watching it.and recently i watch a good malay movie.it did get my mind working overtime..but not to d extend i cant sleep.so i guess dat means 4 star for yasmin's latest effort from me.but i gotta say its d best to date from her.its a good watch nevertheless.and actually i was about to write about how BODY OF LIES (russel crow and yet another powerful acting by titanic pretty boy leo) make me feel.but somehow d right words dont seem to appear in my vocab.i kinda lost of words.dunno what to say.i wud say dat it got my mind working,but my mind surely not sending d right....right signal to my brain which then supposely to sent it to my fingers so i can key it onto d screen and translate those ......feeling(im not sure if feeling is was d right word to use).but surely what u r reading here is not what exactly what d movie trigger.i guess im losing more n more connection with my innerself..haha...

merapu lagi

mari bercerita.mari memberitahu.bercakap kosong tanpa makna.buat buat macam siyes tapi sebenarnya ampes.buat macam tau tapi abuk pun takde.buat macam pandai tapi eja pon tak betol.kalau dah rasa macam nak tulis tu tulis jer jangan pikir pikir pun cmana nak tulis.susun ayat pon main antam jer...bukan ada orang nak check spelling pon.bukan ada orang nak bagi markah pon.yang baca pon tah kan sorang dua jer.tapi padan la sebab kau pon baca satu dua blog org lain jer.what u give u get back.what come around goes around.so be carefull of what u wish for,u might juz got it all..and some of what u not.kata org utara ada pi ada mai..

isa

i have something dat i wanted to write about.but somehow im afraid of isa...so i better stop here before i get arrested.we live in a free country.we are free to b arrested dat is..

cover

have'nt been so productive lately.a week without any new input.guess i dont have much thing to say about anything lately.while i was away ,i got few ideas for blog.but somehow i cant put words into those idea.i tried to write and save it somewhere in diz laptop.but d feeling somehow not as same as writing it online.d spontaneous not there i guess.maybe dats why i prefer d old pen n paper for writing.
so where am i heading with diz entry.no,i cant tell u.im pretty much cant tell u really what am i trying to tell u all here..i cant think of any specific topic.cant even put a title for diz.but seem like few of my entries have no title.but title dont make or break something...or u beg to differ?yes,its important.but not THAT important.better to have a slightly underrated title but a good story than a killer title but crap story.but somehow i choose my book based on title...nost of d time..and whats on d cover.how i determine a good to bad u may ask...well..its a complex calculation of visual impact,wordplay and some unexplainable force...well..i juz choose...whatever fancy me...so i cant really tell how it work..and safe to say dat it work for me....so far...so did cover represent whats inside..well...to some extent yes.unless d cover used purposely used as disguise,or intentionaly misguiding.but dat doesnt mean we should judge d book with it cover..and d cover is only one page.what one page can tell about hundreds or even thousands of pages inside.and we shall no be judgemental..but we juz cant help it,can we.it juz happen.we always have some type of presumation about someone or something or anything.but as we get to know better,well see d side we didnt saw earlier.dats juz life..or something like it......so d nest time u choosing a book,give d cover a lil more thought..and see what u can make out of it..and see if u guess it right...

dan dia kembali kesitu lagi.ke ruang yang dia tidak suka dan betapa dia tidak lagi mahu berada.tetapi hidup ada rancangan lain untuk dia.dia cuba mengatakan kepada dirinya yang itu hanya sementara.suatu singahan dalam sebuah kehidupan.sebentar namun menyiksakan.diam yang menjerihkan.sepi yang memeritkan.dia sukakan kehingaran sebuah kesibukan.dia mahukan kebingitan yang memenatkan..

kembali menganggur......kembali mennghadapi kebosanan tanpa sebuah pekerjaan...ketidaktentuan tanpa sebuah jaminan....

arrogant

dan mereka mereka pun berasakan diri mereka adalah orang yang lebih baik dari sekalian yang dikeliling mereka..mereka berasa merka adalah lebih bijak,lebih mulia,lebih segala dari yang lain..sedangkan tanpa mereka sedar,mereka sebenarnya hanyalah satu dusta terhadap diri mereka sendiri..keangkuhan mereka jugalah punca mereka suatu hari nanti jatuh tersembam menyembah bumi yang suatu masa dulu tidak mereka jelingpun semasa mereka membabik dada memandang langit sambil berkata akulah yang terhebat dan berkuasa.....

did u know penang sea is d most jellyfish-rich area of malaysia...there r so many type of jellyfish here..white one red oe..not so red,dark red..long ones..short one..big one..small one..u name it penang have it...and they sting like hell...well,jellyfish can kills yaknow...of cuz ya know..so what baout jellyfish u may ask..well,i got stung(not really stung since they dont "stung" like a bee) in diz last 3 days more than i have been stung in d past combined..yup,it hurts...pedih...but i know da gonna happen when i took diz job..since penang sea is so jellyfish-rich,its almost impossible to avoid it..well...for d jellyfish part.im not really fully protected..theres still some exposed skins...its not like those jellyfish can look for dat exposed part..its juz..well,they juz adrift..folloing the current..i juz happen to b there when they pass,which is always......okes...gotta go..till next time...been too tired write..too occupied to mengelamun..too sleepy to berangan..dive was good..well every dive is good dive..even when its not as how it is planned...unless theres something bad happen...hopefully i will have no bad dive...maleh dah....nak menulis i mean...ops..menaip..

bahasa jiwa bangsa.jiwa bahasa bangsa.bangsa bahasa jiwa

kenapa saya kurang menggunakan bhasa melayu dalam blog saya ni.padahal bahasa inggeris saye punya la anchus.grammar betabor,spelling lintang pukang dan perbendaharaan kata yg terhad.penggunaan perkataan yg tak tepat,susunan ayat yg salah.ada satu hari tu sorang komen yg saya ni kebaratan,banggakan bahasa inggeris.mungkin sebab saya banyak tulis dalam bhasa onputih agaknya.saye pon melenting la.truk gak dia kena fire ngan saya.padan muka dia.judgmental sangat.tp ada gak sekali tiu seorang pembaca puji saya.saya pon apa lagi,kembang idong la.padahalnya apa yg dia tu cakap pon bukannya betol sangat pon.to sebab dia judge positively,saye tak la melenting kat dia.kenapa ini berlaku.pas saya kembang idong tu(la,manusia biasa la katakan,maunya tak kembang idong bila dipuji)barulah saya terpikir pasal benda judge positively ni.tp saya tak tulis terus pasal isu ni.perkara tu dah berlaku seminggu lebih yg lepas dah..tu la kita manusia kan.bila benda tu tentang kita,kalau baik kita terima walaupun bukan benar atau kita tak berapa nak layak terima.tp kalau buruk,walaupun hampir2 benar,kita nafikan.kita tepis habis habisan.kita kata org takde hak tuk judge kita.walhal kita yg meletakkan diri kita dalam posisi utk dihakimi.hidup ni satu perbicaraan.siapa hakim,siapa peguam dan siapa tertuduh bergantung pada sirkumtasi(haha,satu perkataan pinjam baru yg saya adakan sendiri,syabas dari DBP buat saya).apa hukumannya,kita sendiri yang tentukan.dalam kita menghada[i kehidupan ini,kita akan merasa jadi hakim,jadi pendakwa dan jadi pembela.kita akan dituduh dan kita akan menuduh.kita akan membuat penghakiman yang adil(jarang2) tapi selalunya kita menghakimi sesuka hati kita.berbalik kepada isu bahasa blog saya.jadi kenapa.mungkin kerana bila saya menulis,saya lagi mudah berpikir dlam bahasa omputih.typing saya juga lagi lancar dalam bahasa itu.ye la kan dah selalu sangat guna,jadi lancar la.dan shortforming saya pon cekap dalam bhasa inggeris juga.bila bahasa melayu,saya selalunya tulis penoh penoh dan bhasa skema.ngapa ek.tah la.saye pon tak tau.cuma yang saya tau,setart dari saye discover bhase inggeris mase umo bih kuang 6 taun (mase tu belajo menyanyi ,lagu ape tah tak ingat dah....tp bukan lagu twinkel twinkel)sampe la skarang,saye memang tetap rase cam nak blajo lagi.cuma method saye blajo tu lain.mase skolah dulu saye blajo ape yg cikgu ajo,pastu bila saya start terpesong dari sistem kokurikulum,saye pon mulalah belajo sniri.buku,surat kabo,lagu,cerita,majalah jadi sumber rujukan dan latihan.ada gak satu period dalam idup saya saya g tempat omputih or org bukan melayu lepak dgn tujuan nak spiking.kira cam g wat praktikal la.time chatting,saye selalunya pakai bhasa omputih..bukan apa.tu la masa saya nak praktiskan apa yg saya blajo.dalam kehidupan hubung-lansung(teka apa perkataan bhasa inggeris tuk perkataan ni),saye tak banyak pakai .saye cakap melayu ngan membe-membe saye.kalu dulu saye slalu cakap bhase omputih ngan bos saye kalau keje nyelam tp sebab saya dah maleh nak layan kerenah dia,jd saya dah kurang dua org tempat latihan.pastu kalau tak kapal dulu,saye cakap ngan capt soon.skang ni likely saya x jumpa capt soon lagi.so there goes another one.tp kot nanti bila g nyelam,banyak smula pakai kot.la...ape bende yang saye ngarutkan ni...ish...cukup dulu la.dah dkt kul 5 dah..baik aku tido......babai.........

*dream in english.complete with subtitles.....haha

letter to myself

dear myself
hey there.how u doing.hope u doing great.hows life.heard u got a new job.congratulation.
its been a while since u write to me.what happened.why u being so quiet.juz drop me a lines or two every now n then.juz a blank paper with a ur signature will do.juz a blank paper if u really dont have anything to say.as long its something.u know,u gotta b better with keeping in touch with people around u.dont be too self-centered.maybe one oday u wud need help and u have no one u can turn to since u kinda keepig away from them.think about it man.what does it takes to give them a call more often.juz say hi n ask how them doing.dats what we call keeping in touch,juz in case u forgot.
however,i suppose u have a good reason doing what u did.so i wish u all d best and hope u have d best of luck n be in good health always.

yours,truly
myself

ps:a miscalls still count as keeping in touch.or a blank sms.

What exactly do you want..? pt 2

when u thot u got all u want,some new things come into ur list.and d list eventually grow endless.it will only stop when u want nothing at all anymore.which likely will not come.we human is so good with wanting,we can never run out of what we want.some name it as ambition,some says its target,some call it goal,some simply put it as wish.but whatever we call it,its GREED.we want bigger,better,more of,sometime less of "things".hey,we r human after all.so we r one hard being to satisfy.our list become what drive us.we work ourself hard to get what we want.we do have some sense of achivement once we get something in our list "done" or "posessed".but dat satisfaction is usualy shortlived,becoz we soon work on d next thing in our wish-list.be it career things or material things.sometimes its more of self-satisfactoin,pride kind of things.but i guess dats what make us regular humanbeing.so why dont we try not to want things.well,by doing so we still.....wanting......

change pt2

how u define change.what can b considered as change,n what cant b considered as change.we know how "time change everythig","change is natural","everybody change"..but how much change is "changed"?as we grow older,we hope we grew wiser.and sometimes we appear to b wiser till something go wrong and it smack us on d face n we realise how we aged but none d wiser.how we experience things and hope we become experienced but we actually juz dont learn from mistakes.we hope age mature us,but we realise age is juz a number n grey hair and wrinkles a d worries.we hear stories n hope to learn from others mistake but turn out we juz become another story others will tellso someone can learn from our mistakes.we read with hopes we can make better decision but when we have to decide,we often go for d easiest solution.we we told ourself to remember diz n dat,but we forgot to tell not to forget what we remind ourself about.we write to express ourself but end up with more things to express.we try to solve things rationally but we let emotion come in our way.we strive for d best but dont try our hardest.we wish for d best but dont work hard enuf for it.so do we really change or juz ..........TBC

a few while ago,someone compliment me with "u shud write".."a book or something,like getting paid or something"...which i think is d highest compliment i can ever get.and someone once said i shud" write a children book.only nmore ceria type of story,coz reading my blog make her sleepy,so ill b a good sleeping-book writer",which i conviniently juz dismiss as she dont get what im trying to say(how humane i am,accept d compliment and dismiss d critics)..and its juz made me kembang idong kejap,d compliment part i mean......not dat i think i am dat good..well..not dat i think i am any good....she is a good "friend"..why i put dat friend in "-",erm ...becoz we not really a friend like how friend is,its more of online friend.but what a good online friend she is. d other day,i was chatting about friend and people-i-know issue with another good-online-friend.d issue was what d different between friend and people-i-know.well,d different is how we classify others,peoples in our life.theres people that we know from childhood,from d same kampung,from d same schools,from work,from chatroom,from people dat we know from forementioned "from",friend of a friend,friend of a friend's friend.friend from nowhere.friend can come in all shape n size.come from all d places.and we will clasify all diz people into different category.how it work differ form one person to another.some use levels.some use degree ,like friendster...some dont clasify at all..like me,theres people-i-know,theres friends.then theres ...........others.....

selfishness

today,i went out..and watched few movies...3 movies..and while i was watching,i had so many things dat i wanna write about.inspiration juz flow,effortlessly.but as soon as d movie finish,its all disappeared..but i will try to bring em back,effortfully if i have to..
lets start somewhere.someone recently said im a bitter person.well not exactly what dat person said,but more or less to dat effect.well,i used to be a bitter person...well,experience n life made me.juz cant help it.and some of dat bitterness still lingering i suppose..and u know how bitterness linger longer than sweetness.and bitterness also turn me into a selfish person...o yes,im a selfish person..i do things as i wish.i live my life for myself.i dont really care about people around me.or if i do care,i dont really show it.i always put myself first b4 others.and recently i am presented with one of d biggest choice i can get in my life.and d choice is to b selfish or to b selfless.how i was thinking about it....for days....and i cant decide..i keep go back n forth between those 2 choice..one moment diz n d next dat..back to diz ,changed to dat again..u may ask hv i decide now.d answer is yes i hv decided.what i hv decide..none of ur bisnes...hehe....
*what came to mind while in d cinema was actually longer n more complicated but diz is all i can put here for now....

definition

*PS :dis was a cut n paste job..not my blog..juz an interesting way to see things from different angle
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

change

what does it takes for a person to change................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................... ...............................................................................................................................
............................................................................................................................... .............................................................................................................................. ..................................................................................?

musical...

for some reason,i feel "musical" tonight.hence dat two songs down there.... well,i cant find d lyric of d song dat keep playing in my head.its d song dat atro use to protome discovery channel...d "when u take d leap of faith,do u have a change of heart" song..so,i juz copy diz songs lyric and paste as substitute..why diz 2 songs u may ask..for no particular reason..or for reasons dat i cant really express here..its juz come to my mind..
some things juz happen for no reason at all.some things u juz cant explain.some things need no explaination.some things juz unexplainable.some things juz have to b explained.some things juz.juz..juz somethings....or nothing...

i'll stand by you by the pretneders.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
So if youre mad, get mad
Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well Im a lot like you
When youre standing at the crossroads
And dont know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if youre wrong
Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
Youre feeling all alone
You wont be on your own
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you...

catch a falling star(diz is not my blog.i heard diz song in tv ad when i was in aus last year)

Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away!
Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day!

For love may come an' tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night!
Just in case you feel you wanna' hold her,
You'll have a pocketful of starlight!

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! ( Save it for a rainy day! )

For love may come and tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night!
An' just in case you feel you wanta' hold her,
You'll have a pocketful of starlight!

( . . . pocketful of starlight! ) [ hum in time ]

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! ( Save it for a rainy . . . Save it for a rainy, rainy rainy day! )

For when your troubles startn' multiplyin',
An' they just might!
It's easy to forget them without tryin',
With just a pocketful of starlight!

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day!

song by perry como.lyric by lee pokris and paul vance.
*wonder how it sound..?well,what u waiting for,download it illegaly la....lagi mau tanya..hehe..

life...or something like it

tell me,what u want in life....what u look ,what u hv found,and what u hope to find...will u b satisfied once u got what u search for..or ull keep wanting for more...TO BE CONTINUED....

if i were a girl..

if i were a girl...
i will say things like "if i were a boy"
or i will wish i were a boy
coz its juz us human at our best
not satisfied with who we are
with what we got
with where we are
with who we are
so it doesnt really matter
if i were a boy
nor does it matter if i were a girl
its not about what we cant be
but who we are
coz grass always seem greener on the the other side of d fence
but always remember
its on d other side of dat fence
so live with ur grass
green or whatever color it is
coz dats all u got
unless u r ready to do sex change operation
haha....apalah aku ni....kronik dah ni......

12.02pm.23 feb 2009

kring kring...kring kring..kring kringggg
click...hello...
hello..boleh saya bercakap dengan cik ahmad taufik..
hello,ye saya...saya taufik..
cik taufik,saya ramli dari alam hidro.cik taufik available ke sekarang?
yes very much available cik..
cik taufik boleh standby tak UNTUK 7 march..
BOLEH SANGAT CIK RAMLI..BOLEH SANGAT...MEMANG ABSULUTELY,DEFINITELY,UNDOUBTLY,HARRILY,GLADLY BOLEH SANGAT SANGAT..
well,its not exactly like dat,but dat call finally come....and what a wait it has been...what a wait indeed....so,come diz march 7,ill no longer jobless..what a great feeling to get to work again,soon ..after not earning anything for quite a while...cik ramli,time kasih...and thanks for u for keeping my spirit up all diz while....

impulsive entry(does diz qualify as a blog)

when u have too much time,and got nothing to do,and a lil spark of idea..juz blog....like diz one..not dat i have any idea where diz is going,it juz me trying to make myself bz.and what a better way.yeah,read is one of my fav time-killer but i can owez read when theres no net connection.i havent learn yet how to first draft an entry sumwhere else then paste iot here..like in words or office..or wherever...if anyone like to b helpfull,please be my guess.and if anyone know how to set my space bar into "double spacing" mode all d time..is there such option?i suppose mr richest man in d world can think of dat and hv ask someone in his once-sccused-with-monopolising-d-computing-world to figure how to give us double-spacing-all-d-time.so instead of read,i write.knowing a few of u there enjoy reading diz also contribute to my productivity...for now.dont hold me for anything if suddently diz blog abruptedly cut short.not juz diz entry but d whole thing.
coz diz is impulsive entry.i was reading someone's blog..but all of a sudden i feel like why dont i write instead of reading.so a few click later ,here i am..another entry..adios....

sajak..part one..

dari sebuah kaca pampang kosong
diisi dengan ulas ulas huruf
menjadi sstu kata
dan himpunan kata menjadi sebaris ayat
lantas untaian kata dan ayat itu menjelmakan serangkap puisi
yang lahir dari satu naluri
betapa dah lama aku tak buat sajak syair dan puisi ..oantun ada la skit2,pantun merapu..
sorry..suddenly d sastera in me dissapear..and lets wait for sajak part 2...

.......................................................................(no idea for title)

sometimes,u juz dunno what to write..ur mind went blank.ur fingers stiffen,ur eyes blurred,ur intel pentium processor dual core duo juz turn into plain intel pentium(since i dunno what d earlier version before intel come with pentium).u try to squese ur brain,compressing ur cells so it can connect to produce some ideas to wirte.but it juz refuse.it juz went not responding.so u hit ctrl+alt+del.but still nothing happen..talk about proper hang.even task manager not responding to ur command.so whats next.some crack on ur head or blue death screen.u stio for a while,like u wud hit a reset button but still nothing happen.erm...u juz cant recall what was it dat u wanted to write..u know theres sumthing,but juz cant put it to words...and u went .......arghhhhhhhhhhhh

merapu bahgian satu

dan maka bermulalah suatu nukilan yang tiada tujuan selain hanya satu bentuk gaya-bebas,membiarkan amukan minda bermaharaja lela tanpa kawalan terbang bebas diruang karya tanpa budi bicara tentang isi tentang maknatentang hala tentang aturcara.hanya jemari yang berlari di kekunci sambil disuluh cahaya samar dari paparan cecair.tanpa tujuan jejari terus berlari,tanpa hala minda terus berkelana.tanpa tahu kemana pergi waras,tanpa kisah apa jadi dengan arah.pun begitu dalam kesamaran ada jua satu panduan.dalam kekalutan ada juga satu peradaban.dalam kegawatan ada juga satu kelegaan.tanpa perlu ia berlalu,tanpa mahu tapi bertemu.tanpa dekat tetap rapat.tanpa suara tetap bicara.tanpa setuju tetap bersatu.tanpa hala tetap berjumpa.tanpa pilih tetap terisih.tanpa seteru tetap beradu.namus sesekali akal mempengaruhi minda.hati didahului serakah.waras dipintas gila.kerana pasti ada saat dimana yang dirasa bukan yang dikata.yang berbicara bukan yang bersuara.yang merasa bukan yang bersama.pasti ada suatu yang begitu disudut ceruk antero semesta yang begitu luas terbentang didepan minda tak tercapai tangan mahupun minda jika tanpa semua yang ada dalam benak kepala yang bukan calang calang upaya.jika tidak kecundang ,ia bukan diundang.jika tidak binasa dia bukan biasa..jika tidak berjaya dia bukan waja.dia mahu beritahu namun kelu.dia mahu pergi namun terkunci.sebalik zahir ada terjemahnya.sebalik hati ada budi.sebalik jasa ada bicara.sebalik bela ada dakwa.sebalik hukum ada kerana.sebalik suap ada riba.sebalik pinjam ada geramsebalik masam ada gula.suka suka sahaja dia berkata kenapa hanya tinta yang dipinta.kenapa tiada berita dalam bicara.kenapa kosong dalam hitung.kenapa berlalu dalam sendu.kenapa begini bukan begitu.kerana hanya satu bukan seribu.kerana hujung tiada punca.kerana besar tiada taranya.kerana bentuk tiada acuannya.kerana tanam tiada timbusnya.kerana bicara hanya sementara.kerana rasa hanya satu perkara.bukan dia yang dicari.namuh dia juga datang lagi.bukan tidak diundang tapi pergi lintang pukang.kerana amuk dia remuk.kerana sendiri dia sepi.lantas benak dan sanubari ini jadi sepi kerna tiada lagi tawa riang orang yang girang setelah pulang dari seberang tang terang benderang walau berperang dengan dendam yang dalam yang hitam yang dipendam.pekatlikat.melekat.terpahat.sampai bertemu lagi dalam sambungan bicara ini..

you cry without tears

our actress cant even cry properly on screen..so can u blame me when i dont even switch on d tv set even when im bored to death with nothing to.i mean,she was acting a crying scene..yes,the sound was there...but how can one cry without tears(not metaphorically)..i mean come on,u r an actress..u r suppose to b able to fake ur tears at will...dats what i expect of u..maybe some will think dats too much of an expectation but crying and laughing is like a basic of human emition..so if u cant master this basic things, how u gonna perform all other more complex things.....u r suppose to master all diz..as people wud expect me to be good with ropes,knots,splice and such...as carpenter expected to know how to hammer in nails...as driver expected to know how to drive...and its ur skills of trade..but then again,d standards of our acting is ...well...dat bad i guess....i read sumwhere about an interview about diz korean dramatis who can cry at will...not only she can cry,she can dictate one eye tear stream..be it leff or right..let alone both..dat what we call master of d trade...no wonder malaysian cant get enuf of them ...pity our industry prefer pretty face than talent...some(well,most actually) good talent juz dont come in complete package...not enuf to b d lead actress...seem like u cant have it all at once....but somehow ,in korea all d good talent come in package...and so d rest of d world.....well,not dat i follow d actress-cant-cry-properly drama..it juz happen i was there in front of d set when it was aired...and its my housemate dat switch on d tv....erm...dun even get me started on indonesian drama....

isu bahasa inggeris subjek sains dan matematik

where u stand in diz issue....u gotta take a stand...u cant stand natural anymore....seperti semua orang akan cakap,ada pro dan cons dalam isu ini.sudah tentulah semua perkara ada baik dan buruk..well,almost all anyway....but to improve d level of english in our student by teaching them science n math in english is not d right way...but improve d way we teach them english......i personaly think our education system not interesting enuf for my liking....but if u r interested in learning,u wont stop when schools end...its lifelong thing,diz learning...but if u choose not to,u can stop right when u step into d class and learn nothing at all for d ages u spend schooling...its not as much about what language but how u tech d language.....and juz admit its not a god step..change back and improve....dats all..maybe it will b seen as backward step..but if u really have to,u shud step backward in order to move forward..its better than get stuck there and not moving at all...coz d longer u got stuck at one place..d deeper u sink ....so take ur stand...

continuation

after a lil over a week absent,here i am again om my blog page...preventing diz from d fate of abandonment...and trying to keep my vow not to backspace and not to delete is guite ...chalenging....how do u feel lately..me,im bored..but today,i receive 2 same call..and it spark d hope back again...its closer...almost there ..juz hold on tighter..dont letgo now....i told myself....haha...soon enuf ill get my long awaited break....diz not really a worthy entry after a long absent..but to keep d ball roll back again,i just post it anyway...

writing about write and writer and written...

how do u write ur blog...did u write about what u think at d moment,or u write about what u hv been thinking about for some time already...r u an impulse writer..?how u decide what to write and what not to..what to share with ur reader and what not to...do u write about ur feeling or about ur thinking..or about both...or none...do u write in honesty,or made up what u write...do u tell d truth or juz half...do u write when u feel like writing or juz write up coz u make it an obligation for urself to write..do u read what u write..do u want people to read what u write...do u read what others write...do u write or juz translate what u thinking into a set of symbols on d computer screen...do u like what u write..or u write what u like....

happy...happiness and trying to be happy...

diz is a good topic to talk about i think...and diz gonna b a long one also...haha..lets talk about HAPPINESS...first,lemme ask u...r u a happy person...and d answer is if u have to think before u answer..or u pause...likely u r not-so-happy person...why i said so u may ask me back....welll u r d one who answer d question with a pause..hesitate....not sure...happy person know he is happy....he dont have to think he is happy or not...he juz.......juz happy...i mean a happy person dont have to "make do with what he have" to b happy..he dont have to "think of how to make hinself happy" to b happy...a happy person juz go about with his life without even thinking about happiness or how to b happy..trying to b happy and finding way to be happy is what unhappy people do ...and having to think to d question of 'r u a happy person' simply mean u r not so happy..what is happiness..how u describe happiness...to different person,its means differently..but in general,its all d same for everyone of us....happiness is d best thing in life one can get.....whats dat u asking...?am i happy..am i happy...?well...i erm...i....kinda...well...

sebulan yang telah berlalu

(sedikit "ruangbelakang" akan berlaku didalam catitan kali ini..sebanya akan diterangkan kemudian)maka berakhirlah sebuah bulan pertama tahun yang tidak lagi sangat baru ini..apakah yg telah anda anda capai setakat ini..saya..tiada apa...masih lagi menganggur...masih lagi belum memiliki sesuatu yang bersifat kebendaan yang boleh dibanggakan..(bukanlah maknanya saya mahu berbangga dengan memiliki sesuau yang bersifat begitu,tetapi secara jujurnya siapakah yg tidak,jika dia memiliki sesuatu yg mahal dan berharga) dan saya masih lagi "merempat" dan tiada sebuah sarang yang saya boleh gelar kepunyaan saya....dan semakin detik saya menghampiri angka itu..angka sebuah perubahan..secara benarnya saya sudah disana(di angka itu) tetapi sifat penafian didalam diri saya berjaya membisik yang saya belum disana..maka saya menerima penafian itu didalam sedar...sebulan ditahun baru...adakah saya menafaatkan sebulan ini dengan sepenuhnya...suka saya mahu berkata ya,namun malangnya saya tahu saya tidak...tidah memanafaatkannya dengan bersungguh sungguh..jadi ketiadaan manafaat dan perubahan yang tidak berkalu dibulan ini adalah sesuatu yang tidak patut diletakkan salahnya kepada perkara lain selain diri sendiri.dan kerana tiada azam yang dipasang buat tahun ini selain mendapatkan pekerjaan yang membolehkan saya mengejar cita kemewahan setelah sebab selaman saya berubah ekoran perbelanjaan besar yang dihabiskan untuk pensijilan,makan kiranya azam saya buat tahun ini sudah hampir sepuluh peratus gagal setakat catitan ini ditulis.bagaimana dengan bulan mendatang...sejujurnya saya merasakan ada sesuatu akan datang kearah saya pada bulan kedua ini...tetapi adakah firasat saya ini berasas atau hanya perasaan semata...tetapi sementara sehingga saya mendapat kerja saya,bosan dan tertekanlah saya...dan dalam kebosana itu mulalah saya menpersoalkan kehidupan,hala tujuan...dan menjadikan perasaan ini semakin tertekan...(there goes..an article without any single borrowed english words....so DBP can be a lil happier...)

my day...most of d day....

wake up....try to sleep some more...wake up again...push it some more...then wake up agin n cant push it anymore..time=0838...arghhhhhh...its too early...why cant i sleep some more.....lie there,kelip kelip bijik mata...argh....diz gonna b a looooong day....then look for phones....who knows,maybe today is d lucky day where some crewing guy from some diving company gonna call and give me a job..who knows.....keep d phone close by and try to sleep some more...argh....cant sleep....ok..wake up....turn d other way on d bed...grab d laptop....switch it on....try to connect,but fail....f**k....what is diz....keep trying...click here n there....try to 'fix' it...somehow it works..not d fix thing but d connecttion thing...click on internet explorer...hotmail...inbox...a lil nervous...please..please..please be sumthing there...sumthing..anything at all....bang....3 new email....owh..dats good.....click....delivery failure...what..delivery failure...arghhh.....new comment from some "friend" from friendster....argh....diz is not sumthing...diz in not anything...diz is nothing....argh....third one...please....please....its been a month already.....cant be like diz....cant be diz quiet...diz is not good...d 3rd one now.... last hope for now....let it be positive...its....jeng jeng jeng...its some rubbish from hotmail......argh..another day of no work....but its stil early...its early in d morning...so its ok....maybe a lil later into d day some encik from some faraway company will call me asking me if i can dive 50metre on air doing some dangerous task dat nobody want...haha..bring it on....lemme show u what im capable of...then ull know what i am made of...for d first break ...d first job,juz throw anything at me..anything at all....50metre...60metre...hell..put me into ur 'sat' system if u want...ok..enuf of dat for now...clicl click click...subseawork.com...click..click..job posting..click..click...air diver...usa...air diver..usa..air diver...usa..air diver...usa...what is diz..thereS no diving job in asia anymore posted here or what...since when did sebseawork serve exclusively for US of A....click..click..click...click...c-diver.com.....job listing....cswip3.2..click click..welder...click click...DMT....click..click...supervisor..click..click...sat diver...argh....diz is unbelievable..since i got my ticket,all air diving jobs seem to mysteriously dissapear....too bad i cant jump straight into sat diving..otherwise ill pawn myself for d money to pay for d ticket...click..click..click...cytherea.......haha....argh..hungry.....go n buy apom from mamak behind d house...and milo ais dat taste nothing like milo..its sumthing else...diz mamak shortchanging me...diz is sumthing else..sure its cocoa-ish...but its not milo.....stuff d apom down my mouth n wash it with notmilo ais..ahh...ok...now can continue job-hunting...click..click..click...YM...click..click...SKYPE..click..click..jobstreets.....click..click..click...no match for d keywords.....argh....click...click..click...hotmail again...nothing new in inbox....damn....sleepy.....nap....awake again....argh...bored...i gotta find sumtnih to do...argh...i gotta go and look for some part time job....argh....maybe balik kampung...ok..balik kampung...n get bored there till cant stand it anymore and come back here......hungry...time for lunch....tapau nasi with mutton curry and iced teh o....not from mamak behind d house..go a lil distance for lunch....click..click..click.....now dat im full,maybe if i push it i can catch some more sleep....what a long day today.....its only half past for now.....try and try and try......and trzzzzz..zzzz...zzz....cold...zzz...cold...grab a blanket...zzz....vrom...vrom....a friend juz got back from work....lucky him...got a job.....whats d time now...its raining outside...its almost 6....its raining...i dun care...come rain or shine...or a hailstorm...juz gimme a job......but its ok..now d day almost over....empty talk with juz-got-back-from-work fren...how his boss ask him to do diz n dat...how his bos ask him do things out of his work-scope..how his boz being a bossy boss....how he got a job.....how he got a boss dat give him WORK......while me here,got no one to order me around....to boss me around....now im tired of describing how i pass my day i cant even finish diz piece...so its end here