sebulan yang telah berlalu

(sedikit "ruangbelakang" akan berlaku didalam catitan kali ini..sebanya akan diterangkan kemudian)maka berakhirlah sebuah bulan pertama tahun yang tidak lagi sangat baru ini..apakah yg telah anda anda capai setakat ini..saya..tiada apa...masih lagi menganggur...masih lagi belum memiliki sesuatu yang bersifat kebendaan yang boleh dibanggakan..(bukanlah maknanya saya mahu berbangga dengan memiliki sesuau yang bersifat begitu,tetapi secara jujurnya siapakah yg tidak,jika dia memiliki sesuatu yg mahal dan berharga) dan saya masih lagi "merempat" dan tiada sebuah sarang yang saya boleh gelar kepunyaan saya....dan semakin detik saya menghampiri angka itu..angka sebuah perubahan..secara benarnya saya sudah disana(di angka itu) tetapi sifat penafian didalam diri saya berjaya membisik yang saya belum disana..maka saya menerima penafian itu didalam sedar...sebulan ditahun baru...adakah saya menafaatkan sebulan ini dengan sepenuhnya...suka saya mahu berkata ya,namun malangnya saya tahu saya tidak...tidah memanafaatkannya dengan bersungguh sungguh..jadi ketiadaan manafaat dan perubahan yang tidak berkalu dibulan ini adalah sesuatu yang tidak patut diletakkan salahnya kepada perkara lain selain diri sendiri.dan kerana tiada azam yang dipasang buat tahun ini selain mendapatkan pekerjaan yang membolehkan saya mengejar cita kemewahan setelah sebab selaman saya berubah ekoran perbelanjaan besar yang dihabiskan untuk pensijilan,makan kiranya azam saya buat tahun ini sudah hampir sepuluh peratus gagal setakat catitan ini ditulis.bagaimana dengan bulan mendatang...sejujurnya saya merasakan ada sesuatu akan datang kearah saya pada bulan kedua ini...tetapi adakah firasat saya ini berasas atau hanya perasaan semata...tetapi sementara sehingga saya mendapat kerja saya,bosan dan tertekanlah saya...dan dalam kebosana itu mulalah saya menpersoalkan kehidupan,hala tujuan...dan menjadikan perasaan ini semakin tertekan...(there goes..an article without any single borrowed english words....so DBP can be a lil happier...)

my day...most of d day....

wake up....try to sleep some more...wake up again...push it some more...then wake up agin n cant push it anymore..time=0838...arghhhhhh...its too early...why cant i sleep some more.....lie there,kelip kelip bijik mata...argh....diz gonna b a looooong day....then look for phones....who knows,maybe today is d lucky day where some crewing guy from some diving company gonna call and give me a job..who knows.....keep d phone close by and try to sleep some more...argh....cant sleep....ok..wake up....turn d other way on d bed...grab d laptop....switch it on....try to connect,but fail....f**k....what is diz....keep trying...click here n there....try to 'fix' it...somehow it works..not d fix thing but d connecttion thing...click on internet explorer...hotmail...inbox...a lil nervous...please..please..please be sumthing there...sumthing..anything at all....bang....3 new email....owh..dats good.....click....delivery failure...what..delivery failure...arghhh.....new comment from some "friend" from friendster....argh....diz is not sumthing...diz in not anything...diz is nothing....argh....third one...please....please....its been a month already.....cant be like diz....cant be diz quiet...diz is not good...d 3rd one now.... last hope for now....let it be positive...its....jeng jeng jeng...its some rubbish from hotmail......argh..another day of no work....but its stil early...its early in d morning...so its ok....maybe a lil later into d day some encik from some faraway company will call me asking me if i can dive 50metre on air doing some dangerous task dat nobody want...haha..bring it on....lemme show u what im capable of...then ull know what i am made of...for d first break ...d first job,juz throw anything at me..anything at all....50metre...60metre...hell..put me into ur 'sat' system if u want...ok..enuf of dat for now...clicl click click...subseawork.com...click..click..job posting..click..click...air diver...usa...air diver..usa..air diver...usa..air diver...usa...what is diz..thereS no diving job in asia anymore posted here or what...since when did sebseawork serve exclusively for US of A....click..click..click...click...c-diver.com.....job listing....cswip3.2..click click..welder...click click...DMT....click..click...supervisor..click..click...sat diver...argh....diz is unbelievable..since i got my ticket,all air diving jobs seem to mysteriously dissapear....too bad i cant jump straight into sat diving..otherwise ill pawn myself for d money to pay for d ticket...click..click..click...cytherea.......haha....argh..hungry.....go n buy apom from mamak behind d house...and milo ais dat taste nothing like milo..its sumthing else...diz mamak shortchanging me...diz is sumthing else..sure its cocoa-ish...but its not milo.....stuff d apom down my mouth n wash it with notmilo ais..ahh...ok...now can continue job-hunting...click..click..click...YM...click..click...SKYPE..click..click..jobstreets.....click..click..click...no match for d keywords.....argh....click...click..click...hotmail again...nothing new in inbox....damn....sleepy.....nap....awake again....argh...bored...i gotta find sumtnih to do...argh...i gotta go and look for some part time job....argh....maybe balik kampung...ok..balik kampung...n get bored there till cant stand it anymore and come back here......hungry...time for lunch....tapau nasi with mutton curry and iced teh o....not from mamak behind d house..go a lil distance for lunch....click..click..click.....now dat im full,maybe if i push it i can catch some more sleep....what a long day today.....its only half past for now.....try and try and try......and trzzzzz..zzzz...zzz....cold...zzz...cold...grab a blanket...zzz....vrom...vrom....a friend juz got back from work....lucky him...got a job.....whats d time now...its raining outside...its almost 6....its raining...i dun care...come rain or shine...or a hailstorm...juz gimme a job......but its ok..now d day almost over....empty talk with juz-got-back-from-work fren...how his boss ask him to do diz n dat...how his bos ask him do things out of his work-scope..how his boz being a bossy boss....how he got a job.....how he got a boss dat give him WORK......while me here,got no one to order me around....to boss me around....now im tired of describing how i pass my day i cant even finish diz piece...so its end here

JUDGE NOT ,before u judge urself

writers block on second entry...look like diz not gonna b a productive.not a good sign...and with d vow not to backspace and delete,its doubly hard...but try i must..and see whats d result will b like.haha,lets talk about virus...internet virus...urm...but nothing there to talk bout...but viruses in us people....what about virus called judging others..right after got a reply of 'tak' to thier question of "tak keje ke',they jump into conclusion and shoot "taknak cari kerja ker..taknak tukar bidang ker...taknak buat sesuatu ker.."without even knowing what i do for living...how easy people jump into conclusion....buy hey...dats life...why shud a strangers care about judging...about whats right n what not supposed to say...maybe they dont mean bad....but....but...BUT....

isi pikiran seorang aku yang bosan dan tertekan

hahaha....d thing with writing in electronic form is we can easily backspace or delete things...not as if we orite on a blank page n pen...where once scribbled,its there for sure.and dats kinda killing d spontaneous of writing.so now i vow to not to backspace myself...unless its spelling error dat i catch...and u gonna see lots of it...and wrongly spelled,or wrongly used words..or wrong words altogether....but whattheheck,im not in some english classes or anything..i write not to improve my grammar..no cikgu faridah here to fine me 10cent for one mistake.so why i write..?haha..whatif i say i have to channel my "feeling"..my "inner feeling"?haha....u dont buy dat,dont u..dont tell me u believe in those things...why i write...coz i know i can write...coz i used to write..back when i dun even know how internet look like...back when white sheet of paper n blue pen always there in my backpack...and on walls....so,why do i write...coz i feel like writing...dats not a reason enuf to write..?then i write for no reason at all..how about dat..