backspacing

and no,i dont keep my vow to not to do backspacing on my writing..

homesick

homesick while in singapore..only been here for 3 days....yepp..i myself cant believe it....

because i said so...

so,tell me...what made u read my blog.coz someone suggest me to decorate or improve d look of my blog to attract readers.im not gonna do dat.not becoz i dont think dats a good idea but becoz dats juz not how i want to attract readers.if i am gonna b a famous blogger,let it be from my poorly decorated but briliantly wirten blog.not d other way around.and for the one who suggest it,please dont be offended by diz post...

men n women

which is d better sex.gender war..chromosome battle.diz is d old classic like egg n chicken question.or chcken n egg.if u r on diz side of d fence u will say ur side is better.and me as d other side of d fence,will insist on my side.theres studies,research,findings,experiment,views and whatsnot but in d end of d day,its always ur own side dats always better....

and here we go again

good thing come to those who wait.but how long a wait before its too long.because time wait for no one.and time worth more than gold.so dont saty silence for too long eventho silence is golden.patience is virtue but one can take only so much before all hell brake loose.be carefull of what u wish for,u might juz get it all and some u didnt.then ull wish u didnt ask for any of it at all.what dont kill u only make u stronger but what if left u almost lifeless,barely alive.ignorance is bliss but when ignorance reign life is lost.but the strong will survive.so doesnt dat make all of us d strongs.its a rat race,but nobodys winning.so quit while u ahead or u end up losing it all.but living on d edge make u treasure what u have.living life on d fast lane make u play it safer.but when it aint rough it aint fun.so push it to the limit but dont cross d line....

what usualy trigger u all d blogger into writing mode.what make ur creative juice flow.what connect ur brain,ur thought and ur fingers together.what give u d urge to write.what make ur thought somehow translatable and readable using a form of symbols dat somehow understandable.and how u choose what to write and what not to write.many times,i dont have d access to write when i have something brilliant(or atleast so i told myself) in my mind.and being in IT n COMPUTER age,we dont carry pen n notebook around anymore..at least not me.i used to have one book dat i keep juz in case i need to write something..not dat d book gotta see lots of daylight.but dat not as d same as blogging.since no one will read it and now dat book end up somewhere dat i cant tell back at home.dusty and maybe d pest got d best of it already.but im quite sure theres many blog dat went unattended,unupdated,unread,ignored and juz forgotten here on d net.but i hope diz one dat u r reading now wont be like dat.not for diz near future anyway...

losing

my mind usualy gotto work overtime after a good movie.many night i end up sleepless after watched such movies.so my measure of how good d movie is how much it got my mind working after watching it.and recently i watch a good malay movie.it did get my mind working overtime..but not to d extend i cant sleep.so i guess dat means 4 star for yasmin's latest effort from me.but i gotta say its d best to date from her.its a good watch nevertheless.and actually i was about to write about how BODY OF LIES (russel crow and yet another powerful acting by titanic pretty boy leo) make me feel.but somehow d right words dont seem to appear in my vocab.i kinda lost of words.dunno what to say.i wud say dat it got my mind working,but my mind surely not sending d right....right signal to my brain which then supposely to sent it to my fingers so i can key it onto d screen and translate those ......feeling(im not sure if feeling is was d right word to use).but surely what u r reading here is not what exactly what d movie trigger.i guess im losing more n more connection with my innerself..haha...

merapu lagi

mari bercerita.mari memberitahu.bercakap kosong tanpa makna.buat buat macam siyes tapi sebenarnya ampes.buat macam tau tapi abuk pun takde.buat macam pandai tapi eja pon tak betol.kalau dah rasa macam nak tulis tu tulis jer jangan pikir pikir pun cmana nak tulis.susun ayat pon main antam jer...bukan ada orang nak check spelling pon.bukan ada orang nak bagi markah pon.yang baca pon tah kan sorang dua jer.tapi padan la sebab kau pon baca satu dua blog org lain jer.what u give u get back.what come around goes around.so be carefull of what u wish for,u might juz got it all..and some of what u not.kata org utara ada pi ada mai..

isa

i have something dat i wanted to write about.but somehow im afraid of isa...so i better stop here before i get arrested.we live in a free country.we are free to b arrested dat is..

cover

have'nt been so productive lately.a week without any new input.guess i dont have much thing to say about anything lately.while i was away ,i got few ideas for blog.but somehow i cant put words into those idea.i tried to write and save it somewhere in diz laptop.but d feeling somehow not as same as writing it online.d spontaneous not there i guess.maybe dats why i prefer d old pen n paper for writing.
so where am i heading with diz entry.no,i cant tell u.im pretty much cant tell u really what am i trying to tell u all here..i cant think of any specific topic.cant even put a title for diz.but seem like few of my entries have no title.but title dont make or break something...or u beg to differ?yes,its important.but not THAT important.better to have a slightly underrated title but a good story than a killer title but crap story.but somehow i choose my book based on title...nost of d time..and whats on d cover.how i determine a good to bad u may ask...well..its a complex calculation of visual impact,wordplay and some unexplainable force...well..i juz choose...whatever fancy me...so i cant really tell how it work..and safe to say dat it work for me....so far...so did cover represent whats inside..well...to some extent yes.unless d cover used purposely used as disguise,or intentionaly misguiding.but dat doesnt mean we should judge d book with it cover..and d cover is only one page.what one page can tell about hundreds or even thousands of pages inside.and we shall no be judgemental..but we juz cant help it,can we.it juz happen.we always have some type of presumation about someone or something or anything.but as we get to know better,well see d side we didnt saw earlier.dats juz life..or something like it......so d nest time u choosing a book,give d cover a lil more thought..and see what u can make out of it..and see if u guess it right...

dan dia kembali kesitu lagi.ke ruang yang dia tidak suka dan betapa dia tidak lagi mahu berada.tetapi hidup ada rancangan lain untuk dia.dia cuba mengatakan kepada dirinya yang itu hanya sementara.suatu singahan dalam sebuah kehidupan.sebentar namun menyiksakan.diam yang menjerihkan.sepi yang memeritkan.dia sukakan kehingaran sebuah kesibukan.dia mahukan kebingitan yang memenatkan..

kembali menganggur......kembali mennghadapi kebosanan tanpa sebuah pekerjaan...ketidaktentuan tanpa sebuah jaminan....

arrogant

dan mereka mereka pun berasakan diri mereka adalah orang yang lebih baik dari sekalian yang dikeliling mereka..mereka berasa merka adalah lebih bijak,lebih mulia,lebih segala dari yang lain..sedangkan tanpa mereka sedar,mereka sebenarnya hanyalah satu dusta terhadap diri mereka sendiri..keangkuhan mereka jugalah punca mereka suatu hari nanti jatuh tersembam menyembah bumi yang suatu masa dulu tidak mereka jelingpun semasa mereka membabik dada memandang langit sambil berkata akulah yang terhebat dan berkuasa.....

did u know penang sea is d most jellyfish-rich area of malaysia...there r so many type of jellyfish here..white one red oe..not so red,dark red..long ones..short one..big one..small one..u name it penang have it...and they sting like hell...well,jellyfish can kills yaknow...of cuz ya know..so what baout jellyfish u may ask..well,i got stung(not really stung since they dont "stung" like a bee) in diz last 3 days more than i have been stung in d past combined..yup,it hurts...pedih...but i know da gonna happen when i took diz job..since penang sea is so jellyfish-rich,its almost impossible to avoid it..well...for d jellyfish part.im not really fully protected..theres still some exposed skins...its not like those jellyfish can look for dat exposed part..its juz..well,they juz adrift..folloing the current..i juz happen to b there when they pass,which is always......okes...gotta go..till next time...been too tired write..too occupied to mengelamun..too sleepy to berangan..dive was good..well every dive is good dive..even when its not as how it is planned...unless theres something bad happen...hopefully i will have no bad dive...maleh dah....nak menulis i mean...ops..menaip..

bahasa jiwa bangsa.jiwa bahasa bangsa.bangsa bahasa jiwa

kenapa saya kurang menggunakan bhasa melayu dalam blog saya ni.padahal bahasa inggeris saye punya la anchus.grammar betabor,spelling lintang pukang dan perbendaharaan kata yg terhad.penggunaan perkataan yg tak tepat,susunan ayat yg salah.ada satu hari tu sorang komen yg saya ni kebaratan,banggakan bahasa inggeris.mungkin sebab saya banyak tulis dalam bhasa onputih agaknya.saye pon melenting la.truk gak dia kena fire ngan saya.padan muka dia.judgmental sangat.tp ada gak sekali tiu seorang pembaca puji saya.saya pon apa lagi,kembang idong la.padahalnya apa yg dia tu cakap pon bukannya betol sangat pon.to sebab dia judge positively,saye tak la melenting kat dia.kenapa ini berlaku.pas saya kembang idong tu(la,manusia biasa la katakan,maunya tak kembang idong bila dipuji)barulah saya terpikir pasal benda judge positively ni.tp saya tak tulis terus pasal isu ni.perkara tu dah berlaku seminggu lebih yg lepas dah..tu la kita manusia kan.bila benda tu tentang kita,kalau baik kita terima walaupun bukan benar atau kita tak berapa nak layak terima.tp kalau buruk,walaupun hampir2 benar,kita nafikan.kita tepis habis habisan.kita kata org takde hak tuk judge kita.walhal kita yg meletakkan diri kita dalam posisi utk dihakimi.hidup ni satu perbicaraan.siapa hakim,siapa peguam dan siapa tertuduh bergantung pada sirkumtasi(haha,satu perkataan pinjam baru yg saya adakan sendiri,syabas dari DBP buat saya).apa hukumannya,kita sendiri yang tentukan.dalam kita menghada[i kehidupan ini,kita akan merasa jadi hakim,jadi pendakwa dan jadi pembela.kita akan dituduh dan kita akan menuduh.kita akan membuat penghakiman yang adil(jarang2) tapi selalunya kita menghakimi sesuka hati kita.berbalik kepada isu bahasa blog saya.jadi kenapa.mungkin kerana bila saya menulis,saya lagi mudah berpikir dlam bahasa omputih.typing saya juga lagi lancar dalam bahasa itu.ye la kan dah selalu sangat guna,jadi lancar la.dan shortforming saya pon cekap dalam bhasa inggeris juga.bila bahasa melayu,saya selalunya tulis penoh penoh dan bhasa skema.ngapa ek.tah la.saye pon tak tau.cuma yang saya tau,setart dari saye discover bhase inggeris mase umo bih kuang 6 taun (mase tu belajo menyanyi ,lagu ape tah tak ingat dah....tp bukan lagu twinkel twinkel)sampe la skarang,saye memang tetap rase cam nak blajo lagi.cuma method saye blajo tu lain.mase skolah dulu saye blajo ape yg cikgu ajo,pastu bila saya start terpesong dari sistem kokurikulum,saye pon mulalah belajo sniri.buku,surat kabo,lagu,cerita,majalah jadi sumber rujukan dan latihan.ada gak satu period dalam idup saya saya g tempat omputih or org bukan melayu lepak dgn tujuan nak spiking.kira cam g wat praktikal la.time chatting,saye selalunya pakai bhasa omputih..bukan apa.tu la masa saya nak praktiskan apa yg saya blajo.dalam kehidupan hubung-lansung(teka apa perkataan bhasa inggeris tuk perkataan ni),saye tak banyak pakai .saye cakap melayu ngan membe-membe saye.kalu dulu saye slalu cakap bhase omputih ngan bos saye kalau keje nyelam tp sebab saya dah maleh nak layan kerenah dia,jd saya dah kurang dua org tempat latihan.pastu kalau tak kapal dulu,saye cakap ngan capt soon.skang ni likely saya x jumpa capt soon lagi.so there goes another one.tp kot nanti bila g nyelam,banyak smula pakai kot.la...ape bende yang saye ngarutkan ni...ish...cukup dulu la.dah dkt kul 5 dah..baik aku tido......babai.........

*dream in english.complete with subtitles.....haha

letter to myself

dear myself
hey there.how u doing.hope u doing great.hows life.heard u got a new job.congratulation.
its been a while since u write to me.what happened.why u being so quiet.juz drop me a lines or two every now n then.juz a blank paper with a ur signature will do.juz a blank paper if u really dont have anything to say.as long its something.u know,u gotta b better with keeping in touch with people around u.dont be too self-centered.maybe one oday u wud need help and u have no one u can turn to since u kinda keepig away from them.think about it man.what does it takes to give them a call more often.juz say hi n ask how them doing.dats what we call keeping in touch,juz in case u forgot.
however,i suppose u have a good reason doing what u did.so i wish u all d best and hope u have d best of luck n be in good health always.

yours,truly
myself

ps:a miscalls still count as keeping in touch.or a blank sms.

What exactly do you want..? pt 2

when u thot u got all u want,some new things come into ur list.and d list eventually grow endless.it will only stop when u want nothing at all anymore.which likely will not come.we human is so good with wanting,we can never run out of what we want.some name it as ambition,some says its target,some call it goal,some simply put it as wish.but whatever we call it,its GREED.we want bigger,better,more of,sometime less of "things".hey,we r human after all.so we r one hard being to satisfy.our list become what drive us.we work ourself hard to get what we want.we do have some sense of achivement once we get something in our list "done" or "posessed".but dat satisfaction is usualy shortlived,becoz we soon work on d next thing in our wish-list.be it career things or material things.sometimes its more of self-satisfactoin,pride kind of things.but i guess dats what make us regular humanbeing.so why dont we try not to want things.well,by doing so we still.....wanting......

change pt2

how u define change.what can b considered as change,n what cant b considered as change.we know how "time change everythig","change is natural","everybody change"..but how much change is "changed"?as we grow older,we hope we grew wiser.and sometimes we appear to b wiser till something go wrong and it smack us on d face n we realise how we aged but none d wiser.how we experience things and hope we become experienced but we actually juz dont learn from mistakes.we hope age mature us,but we realise age is juz a number n grey hair and wrinkles a d worries.we hear stories n hope to learn from others mistake but turn out we juz become another story others will tellso someone can learn from our mistakes.we read with hopes we can make better decision but when we have to decide,we often go for d easiest solution.we we told ourself to remember diz n dat,but we forgot to tell not to forget what we remind ourself about.we write to express ourself but end up with more things to express.we try to solve things rationally but we let emotion come in our way.we strive for d best but dont try our hardest.we wish for d best but dont work hard enuf for it.so do we really change or juz ..........TBC

a few while ago,someone compliment me with "u shud write".."a book or something,like getting paid or something"...which i think is d highest compliment i can ever get.and someone once said i shud" write a children book.only nmore ceria type of story,coz reading my blog make her sleepy,so ill b a good sleeping-book writer",which i conviniently juz dismiss as she dont get what im trying to say(how humane i am,accept d compliment and dismiss d critics)..and its juz made me kembang idong kejap,d compliment part i mean......not dat i think i am dat good..well..not dat i think i am any good....she is a good "friend"..why i put dat friend in "-",erm ...becoz we not really a friend like how friend is,its more of online friend.but what a good online friend she is. d other day,i was chatting about friend and people-i-know issue with another good-online-friend.d issue was what d different between friend and people-i-know.well,d different is how we classify others,peoples in our life.theres people that we know from childhood,from d same kampung,from d same schools,from work,from chatroom,from people dat we know from forementioned "from",friend of a friend,friend of a friend's friend.friend from nowhere.friend can come in all shape n size.come from all d places.and we will clasify all diz people into different category.how it work differ form one person to another.some use levels.some use degree ,like friendster...some dont clasify at all..like me,theres people-i-know,theres friends.then theres ...........others.....

selfishness

today,i went out..and watched few movies...3 movies..and while i was watching,i had so many things dat i wanna write about.inspiration juz flow,effortlessly.but as soon as d movie finish,its all disappeared..but i will try to bring em back,effortfully if i have to..
lets start somewhere.someone recently said im a bitter person.well not exactly what dat person said,but more or less to dat effect.well,i used to be a bitter person...well,experience n life made me.juz cant help it.and some of dat bitterness still lingering i suppose..and u know how bitterness linger longer than sweetness.and bitterness also turn me into a selfish person...o yes,im a selfish person..i do things as i wish.i live my life for myself.i dont really care about people around me.or if i do care,i dont really show it.i always put myself first b4 others.and recently i am presented with one of d biggest choice i can get in my life.and d choice is to b selfish or to b selfless.how i was thinking about it....for days....and i cant decide..i keep go back n forth between those 2 choice..one moment diz n d next dat..back to diz ,changed to dat again..u may ask hv i decide now.d answer is yes i hv decided.what i hv decide..none of ur bisnes...hehe....
*what came to mind while in d cinema was actually longer n more complicated but diz is all i can put here for now....

definition

*PS :dis was a cut n paste job..not my blog..juz an interesting way to see things from different angle
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

change

what does it takes for a person to change................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................... ...............................................................................................................................
............................................................................................................................... .............................................................................................................................. ..................................................................................?

musical...

for some reason,i feel "musical" tonight.hence dat two songs down there.... well,i cant find d lyric of d song dat keep playing in my head.its d song dat atro use to protome discovery channel...d "when u take d leap of faith,do u have a change of heart" song..so,i juz copy diz songs lyric and paste as substitute..why diz 2 songs u may ask..for no particular reason..or for reasons dat i cant really express here..its juz come to my mind..
some things juz happen for no reason at all.some things u juz cant explain.some things need no explaination.some things juz unexplainable.some things juz have to b explained.some things juz.juz..juz somethings....or nothing...

i'll stand by you by the pretneders.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
So if youre mad, get mad
Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well Im a lot like you
When youre standing at the crossroads
And dont know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if youre wrong
Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
Youre feeling all alone
You wont be on your own
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you...

catch a falling star(diz is not my blog.i heard diz song in tv ad when i was in aus last year)

Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away!
Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day!

For love may come an' tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night!
Just in case you feel you wanna' hold her,
You'll have a pocketful of starlight!

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! ( Save it for a rainy day! )

For love may come and tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night!
An' just in case you feel you wanta' hold her,
You'll have a pocketful of starlight!

( . . . pocketful of starlight! ) [ hum in time ]

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! ( Save it for a rainy . . . Save it for a rainy, rainy rainy day! )

For when your troubles startn' multiplyin',
An' they just might!
It's easy to forget them without tryin',
With just a pocketful of starlight!

Catch a falling star an' ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day!

song by perry como.lyric by lee pokris and paul vance.
*wonder how it sound..?well,what u waiting for,download it illegaly la....lagi mau tanya..hehe..

life...or something like it

tell me,what u want in life....what u look ,what u hv found,and what u hope to find...will u b satisfied once u got what u search for..or ull keep wanting for more...TO BE CONTINUED....

if i were a girl..

if i were a girl...
i will say things like "if i were a boy"
or i will wish i were a boy
coz its juz us human at our best
not satisfied with who we are
with what we got
with where we are
with who we are
so it doesnt really matter
if i were a boy
nor does it matter if i were a girl
its not about what we cant be
but who we are
coz grass always seem greener on the the other side of d fence
but always remember
its on d other side of dat fence
so live with ur grass
green or whatever color it is
coz dats all u got
unless u r ready to do sex change operation
haha....apalah aku ni....kronik dah ni......

12.02pm.23 feb 2009

kring kring...kring kring..kring kringggg
click...hello...
hello..boleh saya bercakap dengan cik ahmad taufik..
hello,ye saya...saya taufik..
cik taufik,saya ramli dari alam hidro.cik taufik available ke sekarang?
yes very much available cik..
cik taufik boleh standby tak UNTUK 7 march..
BOLEH SANGAT CIK RAMLI..BOLEH SANGAT...MEMANG ABSULUTELY,DEFINITELY,UNDOUBTLY,HARRILY,GLADLY BOLEH SANGAT SANGAT..
well,its not exactly like dat,but dat call finally come....and what a wait it has been...what a wait indeed....so,come diz march 7,ill no longer jobless..what a great feeling to get to work again,soon ..after not earning anything for quite a while...cik ramli,time kasih...and thanks for u for keeping my spirit up all diz while....

impulsive entry(does diz qualify as a blog)

when u have too much time,and got nothing to do,and a lil spark of idea..juz blog....like diz one..not dat i have any idea where diz is going,it juz me trying to make myself bz.and what a better way.yeah,read is one of my fav time-killer but i can owez read when theres no net connection.i havent learn yet how to first draft an entry sumwhere else then paste iot here..like in words or office..or wherever...if anyone like to b helpfull,please be my guess.and if anyone know how to set my space bar into "double spacing" mode all d time..is there such option?i suppose mr richest man in d world can think of dat and hv ask someone in his once-sccused-with-monopolising-d-computing-world to figure how to give us double-spacing-all-d-time.so instead of read,i write.knowing a few of u there enjoy reading diz also contribute to my productivity...for now.dont hold me for anything if suddently diz blog abruptedly cut short.not juz diz entry but d whole thing.
coz diz is impulsive entry.i was reading someone's blog..but all of a sudden i feel like why dont i write instead of reading.so a few click later ,here i am..another entry..adios....

sajak..part one..

dari sebuah kaca pampang kosong
diisi dengan ulas ulas huruf
menjadi sstu kata
dan himpunan kata menjadi sebaris ayat
lantas untaian kata dan ayat itu menjelmakan serangkap puisi
yang lahir dari satu naluri
betapa dah lama aku tak buat sajak syair dan puisi ..oantun ada la skit2,pantun merapu..
sorry..suddenly d sastera in me dissapear..and lets wait for sajak part 2...

.......................................................................(no idea for title)

sometimes,u juz dunno what to write..ur mind went blank.ur fingers stiffen,ur eyes blurred,ur intel pentium processor dual core duo juz turn into plain intel pentium(since i dunno what d earlier version before intel come with pentium).u try to squese ur brain,compressing ur cells so it can connect to produce some ideas to wirte.but it juz refuse.it juz went not responding.so u hit ctrl+alt+del.but still nothing happen..talk about proper hang.even task manager not responding to ur command.so whats next.some crack on ur head or blue death screen.u stio for a while,like u wud hit a reset button but still nothing happen.erm...u juz cant recall what was it dat u wanted to write..u know theres sumthing,but juz cant put it to words...and u went .......arghhhhhhhhhhhh

merapu bahgian satu

dan maka bermulalah suatu nukilan yang tiada tujuan selain hanya satu bentuk gaya-bebas,membiarkan amukan minda bermaharaja lela tanpa kawalan terbang bebas diruang karya tanpa budi bicara tentang isi tentang maknatentang hala tentang aturcara.hanya jemari yang berlari di kekunci sambil disuluh cahaya samar dari paparan cecair.tanpa tujuan jejari terus berlari,tanpa hala minda terus berkelana.tanpa tahu kemana pergi waras,tanpa kisah apa jadi dengan arah.pun begitu dalam kesamaran ada jua satu panduan.dalam kekalutan ada juga satu peradaban.dalam kegawatan ada juga satu kelegaan.tanpa perlu ia berlalu,tanpa mahu tapi bertemu.tanpa dekat tetap rapat.tanpa suara tetap bicara.tanpa setuju tetap bersatu.tanpa hala tetap berjumpa.tanpa pilih tetap terisih.tanpa seteru tetap beradu.namus sesekali akal mempengaruhi minda.hati didahului serakah.waras dipintas gila.kerana pasti ada saat dimana yang dirasa bukan yang dikata.yang berbicara bukan yang bersuara.yang merasa bukan yang bersama.pasti ada suatu yang begitu disudut ceruk antero semesta yang begitu luas terbentang didepan minda tak tercapai tangan mahupun minda jika tanpa semua yang ada dalam benak kepala yang bukan calang calang upaya.jika tidak kecundang ,ia bukan diundang.jika tidak binasa dia bukan biasa..jika tidak berjaya dia bukan waja.dia mahu beritahu namun kelu.dia mahu pergi namun terkunci.sebalik zahir ada terjemahnya.sebalik hati ada budi.sebalik jasa ada bicara.sebalik bela ada dakwa.sebalik hukum ada kerana.sebalik suap ada riba.sebalik pinjam ada geramsebalik masam ada gula.suka suka sahaja dia berkata kenapa hanya tinta yang dipinta.kenapa tiada berita dalam bicara.kenapa kosong dalam hitung.kenapa berlalu dalam sendu.kenapa begini bukan begitu.kerana hanya satu bukan seribu.kerana hujung tiada punca.kerana besar tiada taranya.kerana bentuk tiada acuannya.kerana tanam tiada timbusnya.kerana bicara hanya sementara.kerana rasa hanya satu perkara.bukan dia yang dicari.namuh dia juga datang lagi.bukan tidak diundang tapi pergi lintang pukang.kerana amuk dia remuk.kerana sendiri dia sepi.lantas benak dan sanubari ini jadi sepi kerna tiada lagi tawa riang orang yang girang setelah pulang dari seberang tang terang benderang walau berperang dengan dendam yang dalam yang hitam yang dipendam.pekatlikat.melekat.terpahat.sampai bertemu lagi dalam sambungan bicara ini..

you cry without tears

our actress cant even cry properly on screen..so can u blame me when i dont even switch on d tv set even when im bored to death with nothing to.i mean,she was acting a crying scene..yes,the sound was there...but how can one cry without tears(not metaphorically)..i mean come on,u r an actress..u r suppose to b able to fake ur tears at will...dats what i expect of u..maybe some will think dats too much of an expectation but crying and laughing is like a basic of human emition..so if u cant master this basic things, how u gonna perform all other more complex things.....u r suppose to master all diz..as people wud expect me to be good with ropes,knots,splice and such...as carpenter expected to know how to hammer in nails...as driver expected to know how to drive...and its ur skills of trade..but then again,d standards of our acting is ...well...dat bad i guess....i read sumwhere about an interview about diz korean dramatis who can cry at will...not only she can cry,she can dictate one eye tear stream..be it leff or right..let alone both..dat what we call master of d trade...no wonder malaysian cant get enuf of them ...pity our industry prefer pretty face than talent...some(well,most actually) good talent juz dont come in complete package...not enuf to b d lead actress...seem like u cant have it all at once....but somehow ,in korea all d good talent come in package...and so d rest of d world.....well,not dat i follow d actress-cant-cry-properly drama..it juz happen i was there in front of d set when it was aired...and its my housemate dat switch on d tv....erm...dun even get me started on indonesian drama....

isu bahasa inggeris subjek sains dan matematik

where u stand in diz issue....u gotta take a stand...u cant stand natural anymore....seperti semua orang akan cakap,ada pro dan cons dalam isu ini.sudah tentulah semua perkara ada baik dan buruk..well,almost all anyway....but to improve d level of english in our student by teaching them science n math in english is not d right way...but improve d way we teach them english......i personaly think our education system not interesting enuf for my liking....but if u r interested in learning,u wont stop when schools end...its lifelong thing,diz learning...but if u choose not to,u can stop right when u step into d class and learn nothing at all for d ages u spend schooling...its not as much about what language but how u tech d language.....and juz admit its not a god step..change back and improve....dats all..maybe it will b seen as backward step..but if u really have to,u shud step backward in order to move forward..its better than get stuck there and not moving at all...coz d longer u got stuck at one place..d deeper u sink ....so take ur stand...

continuation

after a lil over a week absent,here i am again om my blog page...preventing diz from d fate of abandonment...and trying to keep my vow not to backspace and not to delete is guite ...chalenging....how do u feel lately..me,im bored..but today,i receive 2 same call..and it spark d hope back again...its closer...almost there ..juz hold on tighter..dont letgo now....i told myself....haha...soon enuf ill get my long awaited break....diz not really a worthy entry after a long absent..but to keep d ball roll back again,i just post it anyway...

writing about write and writer and written...

how do u write ur blog...did u write about what u think at d moment,or u write about what u hv been thinking about for some time already...r u an impulse writer..?how u decide what to write and what not to..what to share with ur reader and what not to...do u write about ur feeling or about ur thinking..or about both...or none...do u write in honesty,or made up what u write...do u tell d truth or juz half...do u write when u feel like writing or juz write up coz u make it an obligation for urself to write..do u read what u write..do u want people to read what u write...do u read what others write...do u write or juz translate what u thinking into a set of symbols on d computer screen...do u like what u write..or u write what u like....

happy...happiness and trying to be happy...

diz is a good topic to talk about i think...and diz gonna b a long one also...haha..lets talk about HAPPINESS...first,lemme ask u...r u a happy person...and d answer is if u have to think before u answer..or u pause...likely u r not-so-happy person...why i said so u may ask me back....welll u r d one who answer d question with a pause..hesitate....not sure...happy person know he is happy....he dont have to think he is happy or not...he juz.......juz happy...i mean a happy person dont have to "make do with what he have" to b happy..he dont have to "think of how to make hinself happy" to b happy...a happy person juz go about with his life without even thinking about happiness or how to b happy..trying to b happy and finding way to be happy is what unhappy people do ...and having to think to d question of 'r u a happy person' simply mean u r not so happy..what is happiness..how u describe happiness...to different person,its means differently..but in general,its all d same for everyone of us....happiness is d best thing in life one can get.....whats dat u asking...?am i happy..am i happy...?well...i erm...i....kinda...well...

sebulan yang telah berlalu

(sedikit "ruangbelakang" akan berlaku didalam catitan kali ini..sebanya akan diterangkan kemudian)maka berakhirlah sebuah bulan pertama tahun yang tidak lagi sangat baru ini..apakah yg telah anda anda capai setakat ini..saya..tiada apa...masih lagi menganggur...masih lagi belum memiliki sesuatu yang bersifat kebendaan yang boleh dibanggakan..(bukanlah maknanya saya mahu berbangga dengan memiliki sesuau yang bersifat begitu,tetapi secara jujurnya siapakah yg tidak,jika dia memiliki sesuatu yg mahal dan berharga) dan saya masih lagi "merempat" dan tiada sebuah sarang yang saya boleh gelar kepunyaan saya....dan semakin detik saya menghampiri angka itu..angka sebuah perubahan..secara benarnya saya sudah disana(di angka itu) tetapi sifat penafian didalam diri saya berjaya membisik yang saya belum disana..maka saya menerima penafian itu didalam sedar...sebulan ditahun baru...adakah saya menafaatkan sebulan ini dengan sepenuhnya...suka saya mahu berkata ya,namun malangnya saya tahu saya tidak...tidah memanafaatkannya dengan bersungguh sungguh..jadi ketiadaan manafaat dan perubahan yang tidak berkalu dibulan ini adalah sesuatu yang tidak patut diletakkan salahnya kepada perkara lain selain diri sendiri.dan kerana tiada azam yang dipasang buat tahun ini selain mendapatkan pekerjaan yang membolehkan saya mengejar cita kemewahan setelah sebab selaman saya berubah ekoran perbelanjaan besar yang dihabiskan untuk pensijilan,makan kiranya azam saya buat tahun ini sudah hampir sepuluh peratus gagal setakat catitan ini ditulis.bagaimana dengan bulan mendatang...sejujurnya saya merasakan ada sesuatu akan datang kearah saya pada bulan kedua ini...tetapi adakah firasat saya ini berasas atau hanya perasaan semata...tetapi sementara sehingga saya mendapat kerja saya,bosan dan tertekanlah saya...dan dalam kebosana itu mulalah saya menpersoalkan kehidupan,hala tujuan...dan menjadikan perasaan ini semakin tertekan...(there goes..an article without any single borrowed english words....so DBP can be a lil happier...)

my day...most of d day....

wake up....try to sleep some more...wake up again...push it some more...then wake up agin n cant push it anymore..time=0838...arghhhhhh...its too early...why cant i sleep some more.....lie there,kelip kelip bijik mata...argh....diz gonna b a looooong day....then look for phones....who knows,maybe today is d lucky day where some crewing guy from some diving company gonna call and give me a job..who knows.....keep d phone close by and try to sleep some more...argh....cant sleep....ok..wake up....turn d other way on d bed...grab d laptop....switch it on....try to connect,but fail....f**k....what is diz....keep trying...click here n there....try to 'fix' it...somehow it works..not d fix thing but d connecttion thing...click on internet explorer...hotmail...inbox...a lil nervous...please..please..please be sumthing there...sumthing..anything at all....bang....3 new email....owh..dats good.....click....delivery failure...what..delivery failure...arghhh.....new comment from some "friend" from friendster....argh....diz is not sumthing...diz in not anything...diz is nothing....argh....third one...please....please....its been a month already.....cant be like diz....cant be diz quiet...diz is not good...d 3rd one now.... last hope for now....let it be positive...its....jeng jeng jeng...its some rubbish from hotmail......argh..another day of no work....but its stil early...its early in d morning...so its ok....maybe a lil later into d day some encik from some faraway company will call me asking me if i can dive 50metre on air doing some dangerous task dat nobody want...haha..bring it on....lemme show u what im capable of...then ull know what i am made of...for d first break ...d first job,juz throw anything at me..anything at all....50metre...60metre...hell..put me into ur 'sat' system if u want...ok..enuf of dat for now...clicl click click...subseawork.com...click..click..job posting..click..click...air diver...usa...air diver..usa..air diver...usa..air diver...usa...what is diz..thereS no diving job in asia anymore posted here or what...since when did sebseawork serve exclusively for US of A....click..click..click...click...c-diver.com.....job listing....cswip3.2..click click..welder...click click...DMT....click..click...supervisor..click..click...sat diver...argh....diz is unbelievable..since i got my ticket,all air diving jobs seem to mysteriously dissapear....too bad i cant jump straight into sat diving..otherwise ill pawn myself for d money to pay for d ticket...click..click..click...cytherea.......haha....argh..hungry.....go n buy apom from mamak behind d house...and milo ais dat taste nothing like milo..its sumthing else...diz mamak shortchanging me...diz is sumthing else..sure its cocoa-ish...but its not milo.....stuff d apom down my mouth n wash it with notmilo ais..ahh...ok...now can continue job-hunting...click..click..click...YM...click..click...SKYPE..click..click..jobstreets.....click..click..click...no match for d keywords.....argh....click...click..click...hotmail again...nothing new in inbox....damn....sleepy.....nap....awake again....argh...bored...i gotta find sumtnih to do...argh...i gotta go and look for some part time job....argh....maybe balik kampung...ok..balik kampung...n get bored there till cant stand it anymore and come back here......hungry...time for lunch....tapau nasi with mutton curry and iced teh o....not from mamak behind d house..go a lil distance for lunch....click..click..click.....now dat im full,maybe if i push it i can catch some more sleep....what a long day today.....its only half past for now.....try and try and try......and trzzzzz..zzzz...zzz....cold...zzz...cold...grab a blanket...zzz....vrom...vrom....a friend juz got back from work....lucky him...got a job.....whats d time now...its raining outside...its almost 6....its raining...i dun care...come rain or shine...or a hailstorm...juz gimme a job......but its ok..now d day almost over....empty talk with juz-got-back-from-work fren...how his boss ask him to do diz n dat...how his bos ask him do things out of his work-scope..how his boz being a bossy boss....how he got a job.....how he got a boss dat give him WORK......while me here,got no one to order me around....to boss me around....now im tired of describing how i pass my day i cant even finish diz piece...so its end here

JUDGE NOT ,before u judge urself

writers block on second entry...look like diz not gonna b a productive.not a good sign...and with d vow not to backspace and delete,its doubly hard...but try i must..and see whats d result will b like.haha,lets talk about virus...internet virus...urm...but nothing there to talk bout...but viruses in us people....what about virus called judging others..right after got a reply of 'tak' to thier question of "tak keje ke',they jump into conclusion and shoot "taknak cari kerja ker..taknak tukar bidang ker...taknak buat sesuatu ker.."without even knowing what i do for living...how easy people jump into conclusion....buy hey...dats life...why shud a strangers care about judging...about whats right n what not supposed to say...maybe they dont mean bad....but....but...BUT....

isi pikiran seorang aku yang bosan dan tertekan

hahaha....d thing with writing in electronic form is we can easily backspace or delete things...not as if we orite on a blank page n pen...where once scribbled,its there for sure.and dats kinda killing d spontaneous of writing.so now i vow to not to backspace myself...unless its spelling error dat i catch...and u gonna see lots of it...and wrongly spelled,or wrongly used words..or wrong words altogether....but whattheheck,im not in some english classes or anything..i write not to improve my grammar..no cikgu faridah here to fine me 10cent for one mistake.so why i write..?haha..whatif i say i have to channel my "feeling"..my "inner feeling"?haha....u dont buy dat,dont u..dont tell me u believe in those things...why i write...coz i know i can write...coz i used to write..back when i dun even know how internet look like...back when white sheet of paper n blue pen always there in my backpack...and on walls....so,why do i write...coz i feel like writing...dats not a reason enuf to write..?then i write for no reason at all..how about dat..